The Story's Undone (to be Made Again)
by Summer Leigh Wind
Summary: "My da's gone," He tells her. Lily's perfect lips pucker in a confused pout. "Gone?" She repeats. Gesturing with his arms, Severus elaborates, "Took the car and just left." AU.
1. I'll Never be What you Want me to be

_**I'll Never be What you Want me to be**_

* * *

When he wakes up in the morning, beneath his fraying quilts, staring up at his water-stained ceiling and with his nose running terribly from the cold weather; Severus Snape does not expect his birthday to be any different from the bleak days before or the ones that would follow. Curling close, he tries to conserve warmth his body doesn't have and bursts from his bed skidding on the worn rug from his bed to the ancient wardrobe on the other side of the room. Quickly yanking open a crooked drawer, he pulls out a pair of threadbare socks and puts them on. Reluctantly, he wriggles his toes before stepping off his rug and to the shockingly cool floors. Hissing through the gap where a bottom lateral tooth should be, he slides the rug back to its spot with a practiced stroke of his leg.

Satisfied, he nods his head and turns back to his dresser. Opening a couple more drawers, he rummages around looking for a half-way decent sweater, (one without too many holes, too thin at the elbows, or too short at his wrists and waist) eventually, he comes across glaringly red one that has only a stretched collar and a couple of holes about halfway up the sleeves. Studying it, Severus doesn't recall ever seeing this sweater before; maybe a birthday gift? Mother's been known to leave him presents in such a way; lest father find them strewn about to find fault with. Letting the barest of smiles flash upon his pallid cheeks, Severus tears off his nightshirt (mother's old shirt) and quickly puts on the sweater; trying to save his body from a full-blown case of goose pimples. He then trots to his desk, pulling on his jeans from the other day and the cracked boots that fit a bit too snuggly on his feet.

Snatching mother's book from his desk, Severus tucks it under a loose floorboard and vacates his room.

* * *

Coming into the kitchen, Severus walks to the oven where mother is finishing with a pot of boiling eggs and stands on his toes to press a kiss to her ever-taunt face. "Thank you mother." He says to her, she sends him the slightest of smiles and shoos him off with a wriggling finger to set the table.

Severus obliges her and places the chipped plates at his, mother's, and father's spot then pours father his mug of tea and gets out the milk for mother and himself. Father lumbers in and mother hurries to put the plate of toast and bowl of eggs on the table as Severus slides into his seat. With squinted eyes, Tobias Snape takes a swig of his tea and demands, "Where's my paper?"

Mother turns, picking it up from the counter. "Right here Toby," she murmurs placing the newspaper in his grubby fingers.

Severus silently helps himself to the toast and tries not to scowl as father glares at mother. Chipping at her egg with non-existent nails, mother casually inquires, "What do you want for your birthday dinner, Severus?"

Father's eyes raise from his paper and Severus glances between his mother's almost hopeful eyes and father's warning glare. "I-I," he stammers, "Whatever you have planned is good, mum." He sighs.

"That's right, whatever slop she cooks is what you get," Tobias agrees going back to his page. Mother seems to dull and Severus bites his lip, wondering what he can possibly do to make it up to her when-an owl swoops into the drab kitchen through the window that never latches properly.

Father's up in an instant, hollering at the top of his lungs, "Bloody hell!" Severus, though, stays in his seat staring with astonishment at the creature. He _knows_ why it's here, mother's told him a thousand times about her own letter-and now it's his turn. Reaching up with yearning fingers, a handsomely sealed letter floats into his grasp and with eagerness uncommon to him, Severus wretches the letter open skimming the contents with happy disbelief.

"'m a wizard!" He laughs and his eyes find mother's to see they shine brighter than he's ever seen them. Hugging the treasure to his chest, he asks in hushed tones, "Does this mean I'll get to have my own wand?"

The front door slams, knocking the mother and child from their euphoria; scrambling from their chairs, the pair rush to the front room window to see Tobias Snape driving away. They watch in silence as the man disappears around the corner. Shakily, mother whispers, "He'll come back, you know your da doesn't care for magic; he just needs time..."

All cheer abandoning him, Severus numbly bows his head; "Yeah, you're right," Severus lies.

* * *

A few days later, Severus twists his swing side to side on the playground as other children mill about waiting for the morning bell. Gravel scatters and he glances up to see the beacon of light he's always known as Lily. Smile wide and just for him, she inquires with youthful confidence, "How's it going Sev?"

Severus's eyes grow vacant as he recalls the past weekend, father hadn't returned that night, or the morning after for that matter. Severus did his best to console his crushed mother, (but, it was hard to feel sympathy when all he could remember of the man was his sharp knuckles bruising his pale skin and the smell of gin on his breath). Shaking his head, Severus drags himself back to the present and to Lily's inquisitive, verdant eyes. "My da's gone," He tells her.

Lily's perfect lips pucker in a confused pout. "Gone?" She repeats.

Gesturing with his arms, Severus elaborates, "Took the car and just left."

Lily's head tilts and with increasingly uneasy eyes, she thinks to ask, "Why?"

Gulping, Severus looks to his feet in shame, (after all, very few children can make their father's leave by simply getting an acceptance letter to a school-magic or otherwise) "I got an acceptance letter to Hogwarts."

The girls eyes shine like summer's come early. "The magic school?" She implores in awed tones.

Severus's lips tilt in faint pleasure. "Yeah, that one," he concurs.

Lily quiets then, seemingly fallen into some deep thought. "Are you sad?" She finally inquires.

Severus opens his mouth, however, he doesn't say anything right away. Is he sad? No, maybe a bit ashamed, maybe a bit angry on his mother's behalf, but all in all, he's relieved. "No, not especially."

With a sage nod of her head, Lily grins at him, all her verdant eyes' focus solely on him. "Then I'm happy for you." She gushes and for the first time, Severus beams at her.

"Thanks." He acknowledges, taking Lily's outstretched hand to pull him from the sagging swing.

Their two hands stay linked, (even after the school bell rings).

* * *

**I really shouldn't be doing this, but...it's begging me to be written. If you can't tell, this is obviously AU, Severus's father leaves the day he gets his Hogwart's acceptance letter and now everything's going to be different, but of course you didn't know that! ;) I hope you guys enjoyed reading this and I would love it if you all would consider leaving a review, any feedback you have will be greatly appreciated.**


	2. A New Life is Waiting

_**A New Life is Waiting**_

* * *

Severus thrums in his mother's skinny arms, neck craning for a look around her, a look at the world he will join today. "Severus, look at me." She orders, fingers pinching him. Falling still, Severus stares into eyes more familiar than his own. When she realizes Severus has for the moment given himself to her, she smiles proudly. "Do me proud, won't you?" She implores.

Severus holds back his guilt and nods his head in solemn agreement. "Yes, mother." He mumbles.

Tucking a limp lock of hair behind Severus's ear, she absorbs him in a rare hug and whispers into his ear. "You'll make a fine Slytherin."

Severus tears away with great abruptness and cast his face towards the waiting train. "I do want to save a compartment for Lily and me." He remarks to his mother.

She lays a feather light touch to his shoulder and smiles anxiously. "Of course Severus," she accepts. "Go on, remember to write me tonight." She implores of him.

Now several feet away and plowing towards the train, Severus lifts a hand to wave goodbye and calls. "I will mother!"

bounding up the train's steps, Severus does his best to smother the dopey grin fighting to overtake his face; he's going to Hogwarts!

* * *

Finding a compartment, Severus stores away his trunk and returns to the hall to scope out for Lily. He leans against the door, watching older students pass without a second glance and sees other first years anxiously searching for empty compartments, Severus realizes he's happy Lily won't have to do the same (happy he won't be forced to sit with strangers in awkward silence). Out of the corner of his eye, Severus catches a shock of fire-red hair and a grin already on his face; Severus turns fully for it to slip from his face at the sight of two boys on either side of Lily.

"So, that's why you should _totally _be in Gryffindor!" A messy haired boy chatters to Lily, who smiles and nods. Her eyes shift, then her face turns to meet his.

A relieved, brilliant smile lights up her face. "Sev!" She cries, shuffling, she takes her trunk back from the other boy and hurries to Severus's side. "I've been looking all over for you!" She exclaims.

She throws her arms around him, choking Severus in her berry-scented hair; Severus diligently returns the surprise hug with a pat to her back before pulling away. "I told you I'd save us a compartment." He reminds her.

The girl giggles, "Sorry, Sev, I forgot." She apologizes, enlarging her eyes she waves her arms around. "It's just so magnificently distracting!"

Cracking a smile, Severus empathetically nods his head. "It's better than mother's stories." He murmurs.

Peering around Severus, Lily asks, "Is this the room you saved us?"

Curling his fingers in the handle, Severus prepares to open it. "Yeah, I saved you the window seat." He tells her.

Lily's verdant eyes glimmer at him. "Thank you Sev." She whispers, the pair would have reveled in the closeness a while longer if a cough hadn't interrupted their daze.

Glancing up, one of the boys who accompanied Lily smirks pompously. "D'you think we can share with you guys?"

Lily looks ready to frown, but with more courtesy than Severus thinks necessary, she descends her head in acceptance. "If you want." She answers. The two boys high-five and Severus sends his friend a quizzical eye, Lily just grimaces. Cocking his head, Severus tries to understand, but gives up prematurely with a shake of his head.

"C'mon lily, I'll show you my wand." Severus offers, leading her into the compartment.

Putting on her brightest grin, Lily hurries to follow Severus. "That'd be great!" She agrees, "I'll show you mine too." The girl adds after she begins to hear the two boys behind her whisper.

Settling in the compartment, the two duos pointedly ignore each other. "Do you know what house you want to be in yet, Sev?"

Severus sighs, he _doesn't _know, frankly. Mother wants him in Slytherin, but...Lily only ever gushes about the wizards from the other houses ("The witches and wizards from Slytherin always seem to sour, don't they Sev?") Who shall Severus disappoint? Mother? Hasn't she been disappointed enough? Or Lily? Lifting his gaze subtly from his lap, Severus looks at the lovely face with the greenest eyes he's ever seen; she catches him looking at her and gives him one of those patient understand smiles. Severus struggles to control the heat quickly rising up his neck and tears his stare away. Is he going to disappoint the one person who's been there for him? The one person he's always been able to call his friend?

Clearing his throat, Severus admits in a quiet whisper, "I don't know, wherever the hat puts me is fine."

The boys across the little space, who'd fallen hushed upon Lily's question, make a point of speaking now. "You don't want to be in Slytherin! All the lunatics go there!" The shaggy haired boy cries.

"Yeah! And all the wizards from there are evil! My father said so!" The bespectacled boy declares.

Severus frowns at them, unimpressed, his mother is neither insane or evil. He tries to meet Lily's gaze, find comradery in equal disbelief; however, he sees that she's trained her verdant eyes on them and bites her pink lips anxiously. Severus worries, he can't let Lily think _all _Slytherin are bad. "My mother was in Slytherin," he counters, "And she's not evil or insane." Severus scowls, waiting for what they'll say.

The shaggy-haired boy dismisses this easily. "There's always the outliers, one's who got put there 'cause their families expect them to be there." He smiles a bit at this, "Like my family, My cousin Andromeda's the coolest girl you'll meet, but she's in Slytherin." With sudden vigor, he adds, "Me, though, I'm going to break tradition and be in Gryfindor!" The messy-haired boy pats his friends back at this, congratulating him, Severus thinks.

Severus, doesn't let the issue go though, instead he makes a great deal of pointing out, "Then not _all_ Slytherin's are bad."

The boy pauses mid-grin, "Well, almost all of 'em." He shakes his head then, as if to rid himself of the contradictions he has no interest in fixing. "What about your father? Is he Slytherin too?"

Severus tenses and tries to find a suitable answer for these obviously Pureblood boys. Letting his gaze drift to the scenery outside, Severus replies, "He didn't go to Hogwarts."

"Oh, well," The boy murmurs awkwardly, "What about you _Lily_?" He says with a smirk.

"Evans will do," she snaps at the boy.

The bespectacled boy grins, "Alright Evans, what about your family? Are you hiding a cupboard full of Slytherin?"

Tilting her chin proudly, Lily tells them, "I'm the first witch in my family."

"Oh ho _ho_ a muggleborn!" The shaggy boy crows, jumping up from his seat, he holds his hand out for proper introduction. "I'm Sirius Black of the most _Ancient _and _Noble _house of Black."

Lily hedges for a second, before taking up the offered hand. "Lily Evans of Baker Street."

The two Purebloods laugh, finding her clever. The messy-haired boy, shoves around Sirius and introduces himself with an exaggerated bow. "James Potter! At your service!"

It brings the barest of smiles to Lily's face (Severus hates them already). Lily, though, loyal to a fault, drags Severus up from his seat and introduces him. "This is my best friend Severus Snape!"

Sirius and James share conspiratorial looks, "_Snape _huh?" James murmurs, "I don't think I've ever heard of a family called Snape."

Severus glares. "The-" He's saved from coming up with an answer when the compartment's door opens.

A mousy boy peers in anxiously. Severus immediately takes notice of the two scars that run criss-cross on his face, he feels vague sympathy for the other boy. Poor bloke, Severus wonders if the kid's father still lives at home. "Um, could I sit with you all? All the other compartments are full." He inquires.

It's James who waves the kid in, "Sure! Com on in..." he fades off when he realizes he doesn't know his name.

"Remus Lupin." The boy supplies.

"Remus." James finishes with a happy smile.

"You can sit there." Sirius tells the boy pointing to the free spot next to Severus.

Relieved, the boy nods. "Thanks, um...?"

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Sirius takes it upon himself to introduce them all. "I'm Sirius Black," He says, then pointing to the rest of them one by one he goes on, "That's James Potter, Lily Evans and Severus _Snape_." Popping the p on Snape.

Remus nods in acknowledgement and take his appointed seat. Eyes gleaming, James questions the new boy. "So, what house do _you _want to be in Remus?"

This seems to startle the boy, "Oh, I haven't given it much thought," he mutters, "I guess...well, I think with how much I read I'll probably end up in Ravenclaw." He chortles.

Lily beams at this. "Ravenclaw! That's where you should go Sev!" She happily cries, "You are the smartest boy I've ever met and you read about a _billion _books a month!"

Severus blinks, seemingly considering this. It wouldn't meet mother's hopes, but...it was close wasn't it? Respectable at least. Nodding his head, Severus agrees to Lily's judgment. "Yes, I think mother would approve as well."

Lily snags his hand in hers. "Of _course _she will!" Severus smiles shyly at this, he hopes Lily's right and he _really _hopes mother won't be too disappointed.

* * *

**Since Spring Break's here, I managed to finish this a day or two ahead of schedule! Now I can (hopefully) update a few other stories ahead of time too :) What do you all think of this chapter? Bad? Good? The focus of the story is Severus, so I hope he seems more or less in character considering. Thanks to reviewers and readers of last chapter, Saint Snape, BlackRoseGirl666,IconicAmaglam, Madlenita, ffbeginner22 and FallenAngel55 (though, I don't think you meant to leave a review). I hope everyone's enjoying this so far and will consider leaving a review!**


	3. It's a Chance I got to Take

_**It's a Chance I got to Take**_

* * *

Coming into the Great Hall, Severus couldn't help but be impressed by its' grandeur. "Oh! Look up there Sev!" Lily half-shouts, pointing up to the ceiling. Severus tilts his head and gasps at the constellation filled sky-ceiling-it's remarkable.

"I see." He murmurs, hand searching out for hers. His hand brushes Lily's and instinctively, her warm fingers interlock with his. Looking away from the stars, Severus sees how pale the girl's face has become. "Are you okay Lily?" He asks.

Big, worried verdant eyes find his beetle-black. "What if when they call me up and the hat tells everyone I'm not really a witch? What if the letter was _wrong_? Or what if I'm no good-"

"Stop." Severus orders, "You_ are_ a witch and you _are _going to be amazing Lily. You'll be so good you'll have everyone coming to _you _for advice." He tells her confidently.

A weak smile rises on the girl's features. "I don't know about that Sev, I'm nowhere near as smart as you." She deflects.

Severus shakes his head. "No, potions and defense against the dark arts maybe, but I'm lost when it comes to transfiguration." He admits to her.

Lily seems to consider this. "Okay," she acknowledges, "But-"

"No Lily." Severus scowls sternly, "You'll be wonderful at everything you do, you'll see."

She frowns her uncertainty, but allows Severus to win the argument with a small "Alright."

Suddenly, the whispers around them die down and Severus and Lily stretch their necks to see what's silencing everyone. "It's the sorting hat!" Lily exclaims pointing to a woman standing beside the stool where the ratty hat lay.

"D-" Severus starts, but he's abruptly cut off when the hat breaks into song. Boy and girl listen in surprise as the hat tells them about the houses they will join, listening keenly for Slytherin and Ravenclaw, Severus finds that he likes the sound of the later more with each passing word. Eventually, the hat reaches its' end and everyone erupts in polite applause. As the Headmistress unfurls her list and calls for the first student, Severus leans in close to Lily's ear;

"Do you know what house you want then?" Severus mumbles to her.

"Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, they both seem like they'd have nice people." Lily answers.

Severus rolls his eyes. "Maybe you should pray for Hufflepuff, I don't know if having Black and Potter in your house would beneficial to your sanity."

Lily giggles. "Maybe you're right!" She grins and Severus manages to smile even though fears have begun to bog down his mind. The more he turns it over, the more he sees the truth coming to light, Lily will be Gryffindor (someone as bright and true as her belongs nowhere else) those idiots will worm their way into Lily's affections and she will be lost to him forever-his one true friend gone.

Lily's keen eye picks up Severus's worrying of his chapped lip. "You know Sev, no matter what happens you'll always be my very best friend."

Those dark eyes turn to her, so very uncertain and so very optimistic. "Truly?"

Squeezing the slighter child's hand, Lily nods her head resolutely. "Always," she swears.

"Sirius Black!" The name rings out through the hall, Lily hushes for a breath before bumping shoulders with Severus to draw his attention to the boy swaggering towards the stool.

"He's so full of himself!" She mutters to Severus.

Frowning at the distasteful display, Severus watches the hat fall over the other boy's eyes. "He is," Severus agrees.

Just over a minute after the hat has settled on Sirius's head, it screams, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Severus chuffs a breath. "No surprise there," he sneers.

Lily bats his arms. "Shh! The Headmistress is looking this way!" She hisses at her friend with a hard effort to appear stern.

"Right," Severus smirks and the two fall silent as they watch their classmates be sorted.

With no warning, the Headmistress barks, "Lily Evans!"

Pupils dilating, Lily flashes Severus a nervous smile and chortles. "That's me!" She trembles as she strides towards the lone stool on display for all to see. He watches the ragged hat slip over Lily's large green eyes and holds his breath. A moment or more later, the hat screams;

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Severus release a gust of air and claps with a lot less decorum then he cares to admit. Lily's gaze finds him as the hat's lifted off, her face is alight with a proud smile and Severus makes sure to return it. He wishes so strongly he could be a part of the pride of lions too; however, he knows it would be ill-suited to him and his temperament. Lily waves to him as she walks towards her new family, mouth silently forming one last well-wish, "Good luck!" Severus clings to her last words.

All to soon, Remus Lupin walks up to the stool, blushing and looking down at his lap as the Sorting Hat falls over his eyes. The hat's doesn't say anything for a minute, then two, three, just as they are going to reach four minutes, the hat yells, "GRYFFINDOR!" Severus startles, but still manages to clap for the boy. Curious, hadn't Lupin believed he'd be in Ravenclaw? Did this mean he didn't get a choice? Panicking marginally, Severus prays that he'll be more Ravenclaw than Slytherin. Brooding over the new development, Severus hardly notices the sortings until the headmistress calls for a particular name; James Potter.

Fighting back to the present, Severus looks on silently as Potter marches up to the stool smile broad and confident. The boy then rolls his eyes as the hat barely touches the boy's head, before it hollers, "GRYFFINDOR!" It isn't a surprise in the slightest, nowhere else would have taken the bull-headed boy. Severus gives his slightest attention as more children filter through, clapping where it's appropriate; but through it all, his mind remains on the issue; what house will he sort into?

Much quicker than he realizes, Severus hears the Headmistress shout his name. Keeping his hands in tight fists, he strides towards the stool trying not to shake. Taking the seat, The Headmistress smiles briefly at him as she lets the hat fall over his eyes. He can't stop his fidgeting as the hat sifts through his memories; he sees the ones of Severus throwing himself over mother to keep father's brutal hands off her, sees the ones where his cruel streak wins out as he chases the local stray dogs and pelts not so small stones at feral cats, but he also see him boost Lily's spirits with awkward compliments and platitudes after her fights with Petunia and most of all, it sees that he has the courage to stand up for what's right-when it suits him, anyway-or when Lily's involved.

_Hm...you could be Gryfindor, but you're not a very selfless one, are you?_

"No," Severus murmurs in agreement.

_I see you have quite a bit of cunning as well, one needs it in a situation like yours-if they plan to live-that is._

"Not Slytherin, please," Severus begs, not when it will only bring him ridicule, not when it will not please Lily.

_Ah, quite adamant aren't you? Then where do you suggest boy?_

"Ravenclaw, I think, I will learn what I need to become the best Potioneer there." He explains to the hat.

_But not the connections..._

"I don't care," Severus hisses boldly.

_If that's what you want..._The Hat exhales.

"Yes," Severus agrees with a sigh of relief and with his confirmation, the hat bursts forth with it's choice. The Ravenclaw table claps proudly and peaking around the brim of the sorting hat, Severus sees Lily's beaming face as she screams herself silly with pride.

Fighting back a full-blown grin, Severus joins his new house and tries his best to compose a letter in his head that will break the news gently to his mother. Surely she won't be too disappointed? Ravenclaw turns out many respectable wizards and witches and far fewer fall into a life of darkness than those of Slytherin. Watching food appear before him, Severus lets his mother drift from his mind as he helps himself to his first dinner at Hogwarts.

* * *

**Ravenclaw! I hope no one's too disappointed about my decision. Also, I'm drawing a blank on the kids from the Marauders era that were in Ravenclaw (Severus's year or older), does anyone want to help me by giving a couple (or more) names? So did you guys like this chapter? Was it good? Was it Bad? Does it need improvement? Thanks for reading and to those who reviewed last chapter, KodeV, Saint Snape, Madlenita, and Blackrosegirl666 thank you a bunch.**

** Please consider reviewing guys! :)**


	4. The Blush in the Sky Begins to Fade

_**The Blush in the Sky Begins to Fade**_

* * *

His first day is starting with promise, Severus thinks. Strolling into the Great Hall, he's already in deep discussion with Joshua Hilliard* about the merits of a toad over a rat for a familiar and when he glances to the Gryffindor table he sees Lily, eyes squinted from sleep and smiling tiredly over at him. Waving a hand briefly, Severus throws a leg over the table's bench and takes a seat. Ogling the food laid out for them, Severus awes at the variety and the sheer abundance. Picking up a bit of toast, marmalade and an apple, Severus wonders if he'll ever be capable of eating the heaping amounts he sees the other boys (and girls) putting on their plates.

One of the older girls-Dorcas Meadows-frowns at his portions. "Aren't you hungry?" She asks.

Struggling not to blush, Severus meets her empathetic gaze and lies through gritted teeth, "Just nervous."

The girl's eyes widen briefly and with an encouraging smile, she says to him, "Don't be." Severus shrugs a bit and makes an exaggerated point of taking a big bite of his apple-the juices pour from his mouth. As Severus dabs at his sticky face, Dorcas smiles at him and goes back to her bowl of porridge.

"Hey Severus!" One of the boys from his year calls, looking over at the brunette, Severus raises an eyebrow. Grinning, the boy inquires, "What class are you excited for?"

Not even missing a beat, Severus answers, "Potions." The other first year opens his mouth again, but before he can say a word owls are swooping into the hall dropping packages and letters every which way. Lifting his head up, Severus finds himself surprised when a letter drops to his plate; gingerly picking it up, Severus realizes it's the one he sent his mother the night before. Frowning, he unfolds it to see his writing smeared and water stains dotting the end, shifting his hand, something slips from one of the creases and Severus fumbles to catch it. When it's between his thumb and forefinger, Severus gapes at what he sees. It's a photo; once crumpled and twice folded of his mother and father side by side on a hospital bed, between them is a bundle wrapped in beige the only hint to what it being the black tuft of what appears to be hair poking around the edge. Running his finger over his father's smiling face and his mother's glittering eyes, Severus wonders not for the first time if he'd stayed unmagical would his family still look like this.

"What you got there Severus?" Joshua asks, Severus hurriedly folds the letter back up and pockets the picture. Lifting his lips, he answers softly, "Nothing, just a letter from my mum."

The boy nods and waves his own letter. "Yeah, mine sent me one too, she's glad to hear I'm in the same house as my sister."

"You're sister?" Severus implores curiously, he hadn't remembered the boy mentioning one.

"Yeah!" He exclaims, pointing to a girl with a braid talking to Dorcas; "That's May," he says proudly. "She's Prefect this year."

"That's neat." Severus acknowledges, suddenly, a cry breaks out from the Gryffindor table.

"Sev!"

Twisting in his seat, Severus sees Lily racing over to him waving a letter in her hand. Frowning, Severus catches the girl as she stumbles over a satchel on her way to him. "What's wrong Lily?" He questions as her red, scrunched face.

Shoving the letter into his face, she whispers shakily, "Just read it."

Stomach churning, Severus takes the letter and skims over the gushing from Lily's parents until he hits his name.

_There was quite a commotion the other night, when your father went to take a look he learned that a woman on Spinner's end killed herself with a_ _bullet_**_ to the chest...I'm certain it was Severus's mother. I don't know if he's heard, it's not like the police can reach him in the magical world after all...you'll let him know our hearts go out to him, won't you? Also, make sure he knows he has our support and help wherever he may need it, _

_love mum._

Pale and shaken, Severus shoots up from his seat. "Let's get out of here Lily," he whispers and without another word begins the walk out the doors.

"Wait Sev! Our bags!" Lily yells grabbing his up from the stone floor as well hers, running after him, she ignores the whispers and looks that follow.

* * *

Curled together in the nook of a window's ledge, Severus keeps the heals of his hands pressed to his eyes and tries his damnedest not to cry. Rubbing his arm, Lily sighs and settles her head against Severus's shoulder. "Maybe you could talk to the Headmaster? You said your mum was a witch, right? Maybe he could see if her family here is still-"

"No," Severus chokes, effectively cutting her off. "I will _not_ claim people who turn out their kin as family." He growls.

Lily lifts her head and stares for a long moment at her friend's tense body and face. Finally, she whispers, "Okay."

Peaking around a hand, Severus looks longwise at his friend. "I'm going to skip today, will you fill me in after dinner?" He implores.

Lily frowns, "It's the first day." She reminds him.

Severus fights the tremble of his lip, yet it quivers still. "Lils, I just-" breath hitching, he whispers, "_Can't_."

Lily bites her lip. "Maybe the nurse at the infirmary would let you stay for the day?" She offers.

Severus lifts his head from his hands for the first time and gazes straight across the hall. "Yeah, I bet she would."

Slipping her hand into his, Lily suggests, "I could walk with you there?"

Severus tugs his hand away and shakes his head. "No, it's almost time for class; you don't want to be late." He tells her.

Lily searches her friend, "I don't mind," When Severus settles her with another one of those stern looks she sighs, "But, if you're sure..." She trails off.

Severus stares her down. "I am." He agrees.

Lily's shoulders droop and launching at her friend, she hugs him quickly and whispers into his ear, "I'm here for you, okay?"

Severus drops his head to her shoulder for a moment, just taking in the berry scent of her hair. "I know," he breathes.

"Right after dinner." Lily promise and bounding down from the sill, Lily fixes Severus with one more penetrating look before plodding down the hall and out of view.

When she's gone, he doesn't stop the tears that spill from his eyes or wipe them away when they singe his cheeks. Curling into himself, Severus sniffles soundlessly and tries to pretend the world doesn't exist for a while.

* * *

About an hour later, a shout breaks Severus from his daze. Startling, Severus falls from the sill and bangs his head on the cold floor. "Hey! You're that Ravenclaw Lily was with on the train!" A voice screams far too loud, rubbing the back of his head, Severus tries to locate the person. As his vision clears, he sees two feet come to stop right in front of him.

"What are you sniveling for Severus?" One of them asks.

"Sniveling. Severus. Snivellus!" The second crows, the sound of hands smacking above draws Severus's eyes up to see their faces.

He sneers, Potter and Black. Black hovers over him, a less than kind smirk on his face. "So, what are you sniveling for Snivellus?"

Scrubbing away the stains on his cheeks, Severus looks away and grumbles, "None of you're business Black."

James's foot toes him. "Oh, _I _think it is!" He grins.

Struggling up to his feet, Severus glares them down. "No, just leave me alone, would you?" He demands.

Potter and Black laugh. "Where's the _fun_ in that _Snivellus_?" Potter whines.

Face turning into a snarl, Severus shoves at them. "Quit calling me that!" He roars.

Puffing up and corning the smaller boy against the wall, the two smirk at each other. "Oh...getting a bit cocky for a _Ravenclaw, _aren't you?" Black hisses.

Looking between the two, Severus realizes with miserable clarity just what he's done. "Just leave me alone." Severus grits, wishing for the life of him he hadn't left his wand in his bag (never again, he promises).

James smiles gamely. "I think someone needs to be reminded just how _meek _Ravenclaws are." He remarks and the two friends snicker while Severus squeezes his eyes shut and begs whoever is listening for it to be over quickly.

However, before a hex, curse, or hand can touch him, a voice rings through out the hall. "Hey!" The two menaces heads turn and Severus cranes his neck to see a tall boy with a shock of red hair in Gryffindor robes heading there way. "What do you two think you're doing?" He demands glaring down the two first years.

"Nothing Bill." Sirius mumbles taking a step away from Severus.

Eyes narrowing, the older teen-a prefect, his badge indicates- pushes his glasses further up on his nose. "I don't know how _Slytherin _families are, but in my family, we were taught _not _to be bullies."

Sirius's face turns a deep shade of angry red and Severus takes the distraction as a chance to snag his bag from the sill half a foot away and pull his wand out and hide it in his robes. "We weren't doing anything." Sirius argues.

Bill only crosses his arms. "Look, if I catch you two doing something like this again I'm going to take away points, okay?"

James Potter squirms with sudden nervous tension. "We won't do it again, Billius." Potter swears, then tugging his friends arm, he mutters, "Let's go."

A mutinous glint comes to Sirius's eyes, but he grudgingly allows Potter to tug him away and down the hall. Sighing Billius runs a hand through his red hair and looks to Severus. Offering a hand to the first year, he announces, "Billius Weasley, Prefect."

Severus eyes the teenager for a minute before taking and shaking the hand. "Severus," he trades.

Weasley smiles, but it fades quickly to replace with earnest honesty. "Hey, if they ever give you anymore problems find me or one of your prefects and we'll deal with it, okay?" He tell Severus. The younger boy nods, but knows he'll never seek out help; if he's learned anything in his eleven years, it's you take care of your own damn problems.

Billius pats his shoulder and Severus can't stop the flinch and the teenager appears confused for a moment, but then his eyes take on an unreadable gleam as he says to Severus, "Why don't you head to your next class, Severus."

Severus lowers his head mutely and slipping on his satchel, he trots down the hall-but not to class-planning to return to his dorms until dinner. Maybe in his new bed he'll get the peace and quiet he so desperately needs.

* * *

**I killed Severus's mother! I hope it's not too off-putting for some of you, because that's where I had this going from the beginning...anyway, thanks for reading everyone and to reviewers of last chapter; Raven Lockwood, FFbeginner22, Professor Radar, Sithtar, Biancaruth, Madlenita, Kode V, Blackrosegirl666 thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing. I hope to hear from you all again this chapter and from new people too! :)**

***Joshua Hilliard, Dorcas Meadow and May Hilliard aren't _really _OCs, they are (possibly) cannon (background) characters, but they're isn't a lot anyone knows about them (first names included for the Hilliards). I'm trying my best to make them believable and reasonable for you guys.**

****Okay, I've gotten some reviews from you guys about Eileen's instrument of death; Yes, things like automatics and stuff are banned. But the laws in the UK are just _strict_; it's not impossible to buy a gun legally and the guns you can own are certain rifles, pistols, long barreled revolvers and pistols, shotguns and air pistols. Also, take in consideration this, at the time of Eileen's death it's 1971; gun control hasn't yet reached the peak it's at now (this is before the Hungerford Massacre and Dunblane Massacre). **

**Now, I'm going to set up for you a situation where Eileen's death isn't strange or suspicious; let's say at some point after Severus was born (and before he showed magic) the Snape's house was robbed or something. So, Tobias gets it in his head to get a pistol to protect his family; he gets one-_legally-_and has it licensed like he's supposed to for the next five years (because that's how long a gun license lasts until it needs renewing). But by five years time Severus's showing magic and Tobias has gotten slack and drunk so forgot to renew the license. **

**Next, let's think about this way, Tobias left the gun behind; Eileen probably knows if she uses her wand to kill herself it will bring the magical world to her. So, is she going to let the wizarding world know how far the Prince heiress has fallen or is she going to use her husband's gun and leave the muggles to deal with yet another anonymous person's death? I think you guys can figure it out. **


	5. Darkest Before the Dawn

_**Darkest Before Dawn**_

* * *

Flipping to his back, then his stomach, to his side and back to his stomach, Severus sighs listless. He hadn't slept well the night before either, but, that had just been nerves and that had _also _been before he found out mother killed herself. Now, Severus thinks insomnia will haunt him for the rest of his days (always whispering to him your mother died because of _you_). With an irritated huff, he kicks back the rich blue blankets and slips to the cool stone floor below. Shivering on contact, Severus reaches for his school robe and tugs it on over his too small patched pajamas. Maybe if he took a stroll...but, students aren't supposed to leave their dorms this late at night. Glancing to his bed, his heart sinks and his mouth turns dry; no, he just _can't_.

Breaking taboo, Severus finds himself sneaking out of the Ravenclaw dorm and wandering down Hogwart's long lonely halls of Hogwarts. He patters to and fro, no real destination in mind; only a glimmer hope of drooping eyes and unstoppable yawns. Eventually, he finds himself at the Gryffindor Tower and gazing at the sleeping face of the Fat Lady. Stopping, Severus remembers what Lily told him only a few hours earlier;

"_I know we're not supposed to tell those outside our house, but...the password's quaffle, if you ever need me."_

Severus later won't be able to say what compels him, but he approaches the portrait and in a gush of air, hisses, "Quaffle."

The Fat Lady blinks bleary eyes and without much thought, swings open, letting the young Ravenclaw into the Gryffindor common room. Looking around, Severus finds stairs that wind away somewhere in to the darkness; coming to one, he ascends them. Floating down the narrow hall, he stops at the last door; the room first years stay in. Pushing past the door, he inspects the beds on either side; just as Severus thinks he's wrong and the first year room isn't in the same spot as his own, he see's Lily's fire mane highlighted by full moon beams, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he takes notice as a howl rips through the chilly air.

Shivering, Severus takes a fumbling step to her bed and rests a hand on her shoulder. She snores quietly and Severus wonders if he's sound in mind, (no, of course he's not, his mother just _died_) fighting inhibition, Severus gives her a strong shake. She stirs, sooty lashes fluttering against her sleep flushed cheeks; turning, she looks up at his fathomless dark eyes glittering in the moon shine and yawns, "Sev?"

Taking his hand back, Severus looks away and bows his head. "I can't sleep," he admits after a pause.

Lily sits up, rubbing at her eyes, she looks around at the beds filled with sleeping girls and knows Severus can't stay in her bed like he would back home. Crawling out of bed, duvet clutched tight in her fingers, she links hands with Severus and leads him from the room. They walk back the way Severus came until they are in the Common Room, eyes darting around the room, she picks a sofa nearest to the embers still glowing in the fireplace.

"This way," she whispers, bringing them to the couch. She wraps one corner of the duvet around her shoulder and then the other around Severus. "We'll sleep here tonight." She tells him. Huddling close under the blanket, Lily sniffles resting her head on Sev's shoulder and waits for the familiar weight of his on her crown when she says, "If people ask how you got in, I was waiting up for you."

Severus is quiet for a minute and Lily wonders if he's fallen asleep already. "Okay," he mutters, a deep sigh tickling stray strands of her hair.

Fighting away slumber, Lily asks, "Did you want to talk about it Sev?"

It takes him no time to answer, "No," he snaps, body suddenly ridged.

Rubbing her cheek against the bony shoulder, she tries to sooth the sharpness as she breaths, "Okay." His shoulder looses the tension and with relief making her even more tired, Lily mumbles, "G'night Sev."

A yawn resounds from above, "You too, Lils." In a matter of a minutes, both boy and girl are soundly asleep to the steady rhythm of the other's breathing.

* * *

Prowling into the Gryffindor Tower, McGonagall expects to make a quick round and check up on her students, what she doesn't expect is to find one her newest charges asleep in the Common Room; especially not with a boy _that's not from Gryffindor__. _Morphing back to a witch, the woman puckers her lips and strides over to the two first years, she makes to shake them awake when she gets a good look. Her anger softens and the sternness of her eyes relaxes, looking at the two upturned faces; she sees only innocence (not like the older students). Sighing, McGonagall supposes letting this go for _one _night won't hurt either child; taking out her wand, she levitates the couch and brings it with her to her study. No reason to leave the pair to be teased in the morning. Settling them nearest her office's hearth, the woman fusses with warming and cushioning charms before jotting down a quick note for the two;

_I'll allow this only once, if I catch you in the wrong dorm _sleeping _with another of the opposite sex I shall deduct house points and assign detention._

_Professor McGonagall_

_P.S. you may take you're leave back to your dorms upon reading this._

Eyes falling back to the boy and girl, McGonagall suddenly remembers this is the pair that caused the commotion just this morning. Peering down at the two, she comes to the conclusion this is why the boy ended up in her dorm; however, she wishes now she knew what caused the trouble this morning. Curling thick red hair behind the girl's ear and pushing the lanky black away from the boy's face, McGonagall decides she'll talk to Flitwick tomorrow; maybe he'll be able to weasel from his student what happened earlier today.

Backing away, she cast the two one last glance; they're the closest of friends she's seen enter Hogwarts in a long while. A sad smile alighting her face, she hopes the friendship will last through the battlefields of adolescence and house tensions. Retiring to her chamber, she misses the sight of a green and black eye opening in the orange light of the embers and she doesn't see the secretive smile they share.

* * *

**Unfortunately, this is a shorter chapter, I can promise the next will be at least two thousand. First, thank you to reviewers of last chapter, KodeV, Madlenita, BlackRoseGirl666, Professor Radar, Saint Snape, Biancaruth, Stonegenome1 and Eclaire Stone. I hope everyone's enjoy things so far and I'm always open to suggestions and ideas if anyone would like to share any; please review guys and thank you all for reading.**


	6. Only at Christmas Time

_**Only at Christmas Time**_

* * *

Watching his roommates chatter as they pack their trunks to take home for the holidays, Severus feels his heart twinge in a way it hasn't for nearly a month. He won't ever get to go home and see his mother again, not this holiday or the next. Wistfully running a hand over the pocket where he keeps the picture of his family, Severus wishes he could remember that first Christmas; the joy and promise it must have brought.

He's broken from his revere by a single too loud exclamation. "Yeah! My dad said he has pictures of the Ironbellies, I'll ask if I can bring a couple to show you Josh." Otto Bagman tells his best friend as he closes his chest with a resounding thud.

Grinning at the blond, Joshua Hilliard replies, "And I'll sneak the old radio from my attic to Hogwarts for you."

Approaching his friend, Otto holds his hand up for a high five and whoops, "Terrific!" The clap that comes from the two is so sharp it makes Severus wince in sympathy for their stinging hands.

In front of his own bed, Mark Bletchley lays his last sweater in his trunk. He looks up and Severus with embarrassing clarity realizes he's going to be asked why he's going to stay at Hogwart's for the holiday; dunderhead, at the very least he could be _pretending _to pack. An inquisitive appearance comes to the normally taciturn boy, "Are you staying here for holiday, Severus?"

The question draws the attention of his other three roommates and Severus fights the urge to duck his head and nods with strained nonchalance. "I am," he answers coolly.

Robert Wood tilts his head in confusion and asks with innocence that _hurts, _"Why Severus?"

Swinging his legs, Severus shifts his gaze to the snowy grounds just beyond the windows. "Mother and father had sudden business to take care of in Germany, they thought it best for me to spend the break at Hogwarts." He replies.

Joshua's face scrunches briefly in concentration. "I think Marlene's the only other first year staying," he remarks.

"That's fine," Severus shrugs turning away from the other boy's completely. Striding to the window, he sees other kids beginning to pour outside and to the waiting carriages pulled by...invisible horses? Shaking his head, Severus says to the other boys, "I see kids getting into the carriages."

"Oh no!" Robert cries, "We don't want to get left behind!" And in a sudden bustle and flurry of movement the other boys hurry to pull on cloaks and scarves while pulling their heavy trunks behind them.

Once the three other boy's are outside the dorm, Mark seeks Severus out. "Are you coming Severus?"

Falling back from the window, Severus tips his head at the other first year. "Yeah, I promised I'd meet Lily one last time before she left for holidays."

The dishwater blond frowns at Severus in that odd way of his and mutters to him, "You really should consider your loyalties Severus, it's no good when you fraternize with other houses."

Severus sends the boy an exasperated look. "You sound like those dunderheads Black and Potter, aren't you above that idiocy?" The dark haired boy sighs.

Glancing long-wise at him, Mark Bletchley murmurs, "You know, they just might be on to something." And without another word disappears out into the hall leaving Severus uncomfortable and upset. Black, Potter and Mark _can't _be right; Lily's his _best _friend, he couldn't possibly treat her with such shallowness. Worrying his lip, Severus wonders if _her_ dormmates haven't been filling her head with such nonsense too; panic choking him, Severus flees the room to find Lily.

* * *

Gasping for air, Severus searches the incomprehensible sea of students for a single figure; dismaying at the thought of missing the chance to say goodbye to Lily, he turns to go back into the castle when he nearly collides with a person his size.

"Sev?"

"Lily?"

"Oh Sev! It is you!" Lily squeals, grabbing her friend up in a hug. Gazing at him with large green eyes, she admits to him in the guiltiest of tones, "I thought I'd have to leave without saying goodbye."

Snagging Lily's mittened hands, Severus smiles. "I worried the same."

Lily grins, relief evident in her brow. "Good thing we didn't have to!" She giggles. Suddenly, her face morphs to earnest concern. "Are you sure you want to stay for holiday? Mum and dad would be happy to have you." She tells him for what must be the billionth time.

Forcing a smile, Severus bobs his head. "I'll be fine Lily," he replies.

She sighs and roves her eyes to her boots. "I'm going to miss you Sev." She whispers.

"It's only two weeks." Severus consoles.

"That's a long time! I've been seeing you everyday for the almost four months now! What am I going to do without you?" Lily pouts.

"I'll write you everyday?" Severus offers unsure.

The girl tosses her head back and laughs. "Oh Sev, I wish all my friends were like you." She exhales through left over chuckles.

"I don't know about that," the dark haired boy skirts, "Lily," he urges tugging at those hands for serious attention.

"What's the matter Sev?" She inquires, verdant taking on a worried hue.

Licking his lips, Severus casts several which-way glances before giving everything back to Lily. "Have-Has anyone told you not to be friends with students from other houses?"

The redhead's lips pucker in a confused pout. "What do you mean? Well, I guess Potter and Black say stuff like that-but that's more because they're bullies, you know? The girls might have mentioned it's strange I spend so much time with someone outside of our house...it doesn't matter though? Does it?"

Gulping, Severus answers with a shaky smile. "No, not much, just curious is all," he lies.

Relaxing her tense body, Lily grins brighter and leans over pecking his cheek. "I'll see you after holiday, okay?" She tells him as the last calls for students carry from the carriages.

Smiling shyly, Severus nods,"Yeah, bye Lils." He whispers, one hand hovering just above the tingling spot where her lips were only moments before.

Scampering off with a feather-light charmed trunk behind her, Lily looks back to wave. "See you soon Sev!" Severus watches with intensity ill-suited for his age as the carriages begins the slow plod off Hogwarts grounds and to the train station. Only when not even sound carries any longer, does Severus turn back into the student depleted Hogwarts. Wandering back towards his dorm, Severus considers the quiet to come. While he'll miss Lily, the lack of bustle and movement will be greatly appreciated. A slow smile spreading across his lips, Severus remembers the books Lily left for him to read over holiday: _The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_-he only has chapter more to read-_Peter Pan _and _The Jungle Book_. Relishing the idea of spending hours pouring over stories, Severus quickens his step back to his dorm.

"Snape!" A voice yells, freezing midstride, Severus slowly faces the voice only to scowl at who he sees.

"Black." He spits.

The boy stares back at him awkwardly. "You stayed too, huh?"

Stiffening, Severus sneers. "I didn't have much choice, _if you must know_!"

A bitter smile takes on the regularly fool-hardy boy's countenance. "I didn't either," he mutters.

Severus sighs, while not there to witness it (he had been dealing with his own problems at the time) he _had _heard of the Howler Black's mother sent him upon learning of his sorting; to say the least-it was not warm or accepting. Biting back any cruelty he may at any other time allow, Severus asks;

"What do you want Black?"

The boy lifts his gaze in surprise, obviously not expecting any polite behavior from the boy he harasses on a daily basis. "Lily talks about what a _witty _person you are all the time, I was thinkin' if you didn't have anything to do we could hang out here and there over break."

Severus nearly drops to the floor in shock, surely he's lying? Though, if he's not...eying the other boy, Severus watches with undeniable interest as Black squirms and twiddles his wand between his fingers. A new idea forming, Severus considers-if he's not spinning tales-wouldn't it be better if Severus made friends with Black? It could carry over to after break and (hopefully) save him from anymore attacks from the terrible duo (and their sometimes accomplices Lupin and Pettigrew). Lifting his chin to an imperious edge, Severus drawls, "I'm willing to consider your offer."

Eyes alighting Black claps his hands with a grin. "Merlin! I thought you'd laugh in my face!"

A wiry smirk steals across Severus's lips. "I thought about it."

The larger boy barks a laugh. "What do you do for fun?"

Severus taps his wand against his thigh. "Well, Lily and I read; sometimes, if the weather's nice we go for walks."

Sirius groans. "You got to be the most boring first years ever!" He proclaims.

Bristling, Severus snaps, "What do you know! You think fun is belching contests and playing pranks on unsuspecting innocents when you're not hunting m-" Severus slams a hand over his mouth, holding back the torrent of accusations.

Sirius shudders. "I get it, we're arses." He mutters, "But, you're friendship with Lily; it's _strange._"

Thoroughly frustrated with the wizarding world and the strange customs of Hogwarts Severus cries, "What's so wrong about being friends with her? We've been friends _forever._"

Sirius frowns, "Isn't she muggleborn?" He frowns.

"Yes, so?" Severus demands.

Sirius tilts his head, "Huh, but how did you two know each before school?"

Severus sighs. "My family lived in a muggle neighborhood and after I discovered Lily was a witch, I began to educate her in the magical world and in trade she lent me muggle books."

"Books?" Black repeats, "What, are her parents librarians?"

"No," Severus shakes his head, "Her father's father owned a bookstore before the Blitz; her family has great appreciation for literature." Severus answers.

"Blitz?" The Gryffindor mutters, "Whatever the bloody hell is that?"

Severus contemplates the boy curiously. "You wizards _really _do have no idea what's going on outside you're little world."

"Hey!" The bigger boy rebukes, "That's not fair! Regular muggles don't know anything about what happens here either!"

Severus stares on with half-amusement. "Not of their choice, I'll remind you." The boy counters victorious.

Black huffs and crosses his arms. "Look, it's almost dinner and you can tell me all about this 'Blitz' when we hang out tomorrow, you're still on, aren't you?" He inquires some subtle nerves bleeding into his body language.

Severus rolls his eyes and nods. "If I were done with you, I would have just walked away." He explains to him, "Also, I need to start thinking of ideas for a gift I can give Lily; if you help me with that, I'll tell you all you want to know about the Blitz." Holding out a hand, Severus cocks his head and demands, "Deal?"

Looking down at the offered hand, Sirius strikes it up with a crooked smile. "Deal!" He agrees. Letting go, the boy backs off with an overly cheerful wave. "See you tomorrow Sev!"

"Don't call me that!" Severus shouts after him, but Black only laughs as he continues his march to the Great Hall. Severus's stomach growls, but then his mind longingly reminds him the books just a few halls away. Debating his choices, Severus decides he can always eat later and heads off for his dorm and the books waiting for him.

* * *

**It's two thousand words just like I promised! What are you guys thinking so far? Does Sirius's odd offer for friendship seem to be hiding a motive? Or do you think it's genuine? Me, I'm still debating the pros and cons of each. What of Little Mark Bletchley? Does he seem like a possible friend of Severus's or like someone who'll bring about his downfall? And lastly, I hope you don't mind the time skips, but stuff needs to keep moving; (we'll find out Severus's relationship with his Head of House a little later). Anyway, thanks Biancaruth, Saint Snape, KodeV, Sithtar, Madlenita, Klester1987c and Zireael07 for your reviews last chapter! I appreciate it a bunch and I'm hoping by the end of this chapter we'll be at forty-five reviews! Thanks for reading everybody and I hope you'll all consider reviewing! :)**


	7. Keep your Head Down Low

_**Keep your Head Down Low**_

* * *

The following morning on his way to the Dining Hall, Severus is so enthralled in _Peter Pan _he nearly topples his head of house on his way into the great room.

"Mr. Snape!" A voice squeaks, halting Severus and sending his heart into a panic.

Turning slowly, Severus guiltily tucks his book into his robe and looks down at the little professor. "Yes sir? he asks softly.

The little man smiles brightly, "I've been meaning to talk to you for a few months now, but I've always seemed to have trouble finding you and when I do run into you you've always stressed how busy you were...but with the holidays here, maybe we could chat over tea sometime?" He implores, then tipping towards the pocket where Severus just hid his book he offers, "We could talk about what you've been reading lately, I hear from Professor Slughorn you're exemplary in Potions."

Severus looks to his feet. What is he to do? The very thought of talking to the man fills him with fear and dread; what if he accidentally lets it slip? What if the man uses Veritaserum? What if he simply breaks down? Severus can't risk it. Through clenched teeth, the first year whispers, "Yes, maybe later; I'm a bit hungry right now." He tells the tiny man.

The man smiles in a sort of triumphant way. "It's not matter, we can do it any time really; I'm bound to run into you at a more convenient time." Flitwick explains and then with a dismissive wave says to him, "I'm sorry I'm keeping you, go on, have breakfast."

Severus nods. "Thank you sir." and he hurries into the hall sinking into a seat at the Ravenclaw table. Staring at the food surrounding him, Severus realizes with sudden misery that he would rather be sick than eat.

"Severus! What are you still doing here?" Lifting his head, he glances into Marlene Mckinnon's freckled face.

Picking a roll from a tray and rolling it up in a napkin, he mutters, "My parents had sudden business to take care of."

The look the girl gives him is one of knowing sympathy. "Me too," she sighs, then twisting her lips she hedges, "Well, more like my granddad caught Dragon Pox and my mum told me and my sister to just stay here for the holidays-we'd have a better time here than helping to take care of a grumpy old man."

Severus hums sagely and inquires, "Where is your sister? I don't think she's in our house?"

The girl gives a mirthful smile and shakes her blond head, giving Severus a glimpse of those infamous pointed ears the girls were always teasing Marlene for. "She's in Gryffindor," the other first year says to Severus, "The first in three generations, not since my great granny Beatrice." The girl fidgets. "Um, I was planning to go eat breakfast with her, but..."

Severus gets up from the table and stuffs the roll he picked into his free pocket. "No, I'm heading there too." He tells her and the girl blinks curiously.

"Why?" She inquires, "I thought you said Lily was going home for Christmas."

As they meander over to the sparse table, Severus bobs his head. "She did," he agrees, "But, Black didn't."

Marlene narrows her eyes. "But you two-" she stops and makes a funny motion of her two fists colliding (with sound effects).

Smirking Severus concurs. "Yes, we do." The girl readies to say something more when Severus hold up a hand. "But, you see, he's alone now and he wants to 'hang out'." The anxious widening of the blond's eyes echoes Severus's own feelings. "I know it seems strange...but, if he's being truthful; wouldn't it be better to call truce for a bit and lay down foundation for alleviation of his and Potter's bullying?"

The girl's brow scrunches. "I guess..." she mutters, "It has _some _merit."

"Yes, it does." The two split away from each other, Marlene to a brunette's side and Severus to the yawning Black's side.

Waving, his fellow Ravenclaw calls, "See you at dinner Severus!"

"Bye Marlene." Severus concludes, flicking Black in the arm.

"Snape?" The other boy mumbles.

"Yes, who else Black?" Severus scoffs. Shifting his eyes to the staff table and back to the bully Gryffindor, Severus leans in and hisses. "I want you to show me the secluded spots in Hogwarts, the ones hardly anyone knows about."

Blinking up from his bowl of porridge, Sirius questions him suspiciously, "What makes you think I know of any spots like that? Besides, why should I?"

Severus rolls his eyes. "Come on Black! You and Potter ambush me enough time for me to know you have a better grasp of the Castle's nooks and crannies than I do and as to _why, _weren't you the one who wanted to make 'friends'?"

Sirius winces and pouts into his breakfast. "Fine, I'll show you a few, but I still want to know why you want to know about those places." He agrees.

Tugging the boy up from the table, Severus agrees. "_After _you take me to a spot, I'll tell you then."

The Gryffindor snags an apple from the table as Severus hops him out of the Great Hall. "You could have let me finish breakfast!" He whines.

Giving the other a harsh glare, Severus hisses. "Do you want to know why or not?"

Sirius grumbles something under his breath and yanks himself away, taking lead of their small adventure. "C'mon, this way!" He calls.

* * *

Spinning in his chair, Sirius grins at Severus as elves mill around preparing Hogwart's lunch. "So this is the kitchen!" The other boy exclaims. "It's pretty neat, huh?"

Severus stares at him unimpressed. "I'm sure you know of a better hiding spot." The Ravenclaw sighs.

Sirius eyes him in confusion. "What's wrong with the kitchen? Hardly any of the students know about it-maybe a few upper years-but, it's one of the cooler ones." He argues, feeling rather put-out that he didn't impress the smaller boy.

Severus shakes his head and stirs his tea rather desolately. "It _is _very impressive, it's just..." he trails off scowling angrily at his tea as he purposefully crushes the sugar cube he put in only a moment earlier.

Perking back up, Sirius jumps to ask, "What is it?"

Tucking his hands under the table, Severus whispers, "The teachers must know about the kitchen."

"So?" The Gryffindor frowns perplexed.

"I'm trying to avoid Flitwick." Severus admits softly.

Nervously, Sirius laughs. "What? Don't tell me you're afraid of him."

Severus bites back a glare and lifts his gaze to meet Sirius's. "Look, I don't know why-I assume McGonagall must have impressed upon him to-but he keeps wanting to _talk._" He sneers.

Sirius crosses his arms. "So? He's your Head of House, why shouldn't he want to talk to you?" Sirius simply can't figure out the other boy, he doesn't understand why talking to someone as unthreatening as Flitwick could scare the Ravenclaw so much.

Desperately, Severus asks, "Can't you show me another hiding spot? Please?"

Sirius shakes his head stubbornly. "Not until you tell me why." He demands.

Gritting his teeth Severus hisses. "Something happened back home and I want to figure it out myself, I don't need anyone else taking care of _my _problem."

Sirius, for a moment, feels fierce empathy. "Yeah, okay I can show you a different spot." He agrees, but he can't help but add, "But, I think you should think about mentioning it to Flitwick, you know? Maybe he could help." Sirius suggests, well, he hopes he can help; McGonagall saved him from having to go home until summer break.

Severus looks away, (and Sirius knows right then he's lying) "Maybe after the holidays." The dark-haired boy says.

"Okay," Sirius shrugs, "Let's get going, it's a bit of a trip." Watching Ravenclaw try to not seem eager to leave, Sirius begins to wonder if he's not the only whose family fails to live up to popular ideal.

* * *

**First, thank you a bunch guys for reading and I hope you'll all choose to review. **

**Next, I want to address a quick comment, a reviewer told me to stop with these "ditzy" notes in dark ink; now, I don't think what I write down here is dumb or silly. It's just to let people know I'm listening to what they're saying and to ask questions of you guys and what you're thinking about the story. If you don't like the notes, I don't expect you to read them (half the I don't look at any end or beginning notes myself) so, I guess I'm asking if anyone else thinks these notes are a waste (not that I'd stop them anyway). **

**Also, To Pstotts, Uncle Billius was never identified as a Weasley or Prewitt, so I took the liberty of making him a Weasley because Molly already has brothers; it only seemed fair to give Arthur one too. :) **

**Lastly, thanks Konoha' Hanyou Kunoichi, Saint Snape, Eclaire Stones, Tell-Me-Tales, Professor Radar, Stonegnome1, Madlenita, Biancaruth, KodeV, 00, Agedcarerocks, and IAmTheTaintedAngel for reviewing last chapter!**

**P.S. I'd really like to have seventy-five reviews by chapter ten, I don't know how unrealistic that is; however, I'd be super happy if it happened and might offer up some sort of prize (a One-Shot maybe?) for the seventy-fifth reviewer if they're by chapter ten. ;)**


	8. Somewhere Only we Know

_**Some Where Only we Know**_

* * *

Trailing behind the bigger boy, Severus stops and scowls. "We've walked this way ten times! Admit it, you don't know what room you're looking for."

Sirius whirls around, eyes blazing with wounded-pride. "_Three _times!" He counters, then stomping a few feet forward and then back to Severus, he grumbles, "I _know _it's on this floor!"

Sneering at the other's back, Severus sneers. "Yeah, _right_."

Turning on the younger boy, Sirius pulls to full height; face set to a look not far from murderous and opens his mouth wide to bite into the slight Ravenclaw when suddenly, a movement from the corner of their eyes steals their attention. Heads shifting, the two boys stare at the conspicuous door. Frowning, Sirius takes the first step towards it. "This wasn't here before." He comments.

Severus tilts his head and scrutinizes the rather normal looking door. "Are we sure? We weren't looking for it, after all; we just might not have noticed it." He reminds Sirius.

Sirius hums contemplatively, glancing long-wise at his partner, he smirks impishly and inquires slyly, "Should we check it out?"

Severus pauses for a moment. "...I don't see why not." He finally decides.

Clapping his hands, the Gryffindor's smirk becomes a full-blown grin as he chirps. "Wicked" and Without further ado, yanks the door open.

Stepping into the room, the two children quiet with awe.

"Look at all the books!" Severus whispers happily.

Snorting, Sirius points to the numerous games on the other side of the room. "Look at all those games! I don't think I recognize even half!" He exclaims giddily. Ignoring the other boy, Severus further surveys the room and finds that it favors not one house's colors, but equally divides itself between the four. Glancing to the middle where a fire crackles, he dreamily imagines spending the rest of holiday here reading... "Oh wow!" Sirius crows, bouncing over to one wall where pictures-magical and muggle-crowd it. "What _is _that?"

Trailing after the other boy, Severus glances to where the other's finger points. "Oh, that," Severus murmurs, "I believe that's Van Gogh's _Starry Sky, _though, I might be mistaken about the name."

Sirius lifts his eyebrow and stares at the Ravenclaw. "_Who_?" He questions.

Flushing a deep pink, Severus scowls and crosses his arms. "A _muggle_ painter."

Eyes sparking, Sirius slowly turns around and mutters, "If this room has muggle paintings, do you think they'd have books about muggles?"

A bit shocked by the Gryffindor's musings, Severus doesn't say anything for a moment. "You could be right," he finally cedes, "Let's take a look." Severus suggests, pointing to the opposite wall stuffed and overflowing with books. Hurrying over the two scour the shelves, plucking and pulling books recognized (or unrecognized in Sirius's case) from the shelves. Fifteen minutes later, the two stand meet face to face; a pile of books in each of their arms.

"The shelves have a lot of Dickens work, but I picked out a few others I thought looked interesting too." Severus tells Sirius.

The bigger boy blinks. "Okay," he smirks, "I'll pretend I know what you're saying," Severus blushes at this, "But, I saw books on stuff called Aero-planes? That war you were talking about the other day and this story book I haven't ever seen before!" He chatters excitedly, shoving said book into Severus's face.

Pulling back his head, Severus briefly reads the author. "Oh, _The Grimm's fairytales;_ _Rapunzel_ and _Hansel and Gretel_ and stuff."

Brushing a hand down the spines, Sirius remarks curiously, "I didn't know muggles read and wrote so much."

Severus cocks his head to the side in confusion. "You know, they aren't _that _much different from us wizards and witches." The pureblood boy lifts his eyes and watches Severus as he begins to explain. "Sure, they don't have magic; but, they have electricity, science and mechanics."

Putting the books down on a conveniently close table, he takes a seat on a leather ottoman and demands (begs), "Tell me about the muggle world."

Severus quiets in surprise. "Why do you want to know so much?" He asks.

Looking away, the other boy rest his chin on his fist and confides in Severus quietly, "I want to be different from my family." Patiently, Severus waits for him to go on. "They're those extreme type, ya know? Anything less than pure is dirt and I want to-to" he throws his hands up in the air, unable to find the right words.

Sitting down in an armchair, Severus chimes in softly, "You want to take your family in a different route, show them there's more out there."

The Gryffindor nods eagerly. "Yeah, I wanna make 'em _see_, ya know?"

Severus bows his chin. "I understand."

Relief, real and unhidden, appears on the others features. "Thanks for not making fun of me."

Severus shrugs and plucks at his fraying robe sleeves. "You're not the only one who wants to be different," he mumbles.

Sirius looks at him for a long time. "No, I guess not." He agrees after a few minutes.

Glancing up, Severus shyly inquires, "What would you like to know about the muggle world?"

Sirius hums and looks to his pile of books and back to Severus. "Tell me about that Blitz, what's that?"

Straightening in his chair, Severus clears his throat. "Well," he starts, "during you're magical war with Grindelwald, England was warring with Germany. During the war, Germany would come and drop these huge things called bombs that would blow up buildings and kill people."

Eyes wide, Sirius gapes. "What's the Blitz got to do with_ that_?"

"I'm sorry," Severus says, "That's what we call Germany's bombing raids, Blitzkrieg."

Sighing, the Gryffindor says almost sadly, "I guess neither world is safe."

Severus taps his chin. "No," he agrees, "But it doesn't mean we can't_ try_ and make them both safer."

"Is that what you're going to do? Make the world safer?" Sirius implores a bit bemused.

Severus shakes his head, but then nods. "A little, I want to be a Potioneer-I'll make stuff to help people."

Eyes glowing with sudden pride, the boy makes a happy noise and tells him, "I just had a great idea! Make Evans some mood-nail polish, my cousins love that stuff."

Eyeing him, Severus questions uncertainly, "You'll give me the correct directions?"

Smiling, Sirius sweeps his arm to the bookcase. "I bet we can find it right here!" He laughs.

Getting up, Severus begins to search for potion books. "Keep asking me questions, I'll answer while I look."

Flopping back on the ottoman, Sirius sighs. "Okay, give me a minute to think of some..."

* * *

**Can anyone guess what room Severus and Sirius found? Thanks for reading everybody and to the reviewers of last chapter, Madlenita, Saint Snape, stonegenome1, Konoha's Hanyou Kunoichi, excessivelyperky, Biancaruth, LizTerry, Vidicon666, KodeV, Eclaire Stones, Pstotts1006, TheDustKeeper, and KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, thank you guys! I hope to hear from you guys again this chapter!  
**

**P.S. So last chapter, I said I'd be super happy if I could have seventy-five reviews by chapter ten (I think I'll have more than that at this point), and I said I'd be willing to offer a prize to the seventy-fifth reviewer, a One-Shot, I know I was using that as incentive, but for those of you who actually read last chapter's end notes, I think I should follow through on that bribe, so soon to be Seventy-Fifth reviewer, I'll be in contact with you.**


	9. Yultide Cheer

_**Yuletide Cheer**_

* * *

Christmas comes a lot quicker than Severus expected. He goes to bed one night, after a day spent trying to exhaust the seemingly endless books in his and Sirius's secret room, to wake the next morning to someone shaking his shoulder.

"Mph.." He murmurs, squinting up at a dark face-Kingsley Shacklebolt-a sixth year. He isn't quite certain why the older student stayed, he doesn't have O. nor N.E.W.T.s; however, Severus is both polite and uninterested in his fellow students' affairs and so hasn't asked. "Let me sleep." He sighs, turning in his pillows.

With a soft chuckle, Kingsley pulls his covers away. "No way," he says, "You'll hate me forever if I let you miss Hogwart's Christmas Spectacular." Severus knows he's teasing and would let him sleep in if he insisted, but he rolls over to blink up at the other boy.

"Yeah?" He questions, "What's so spectacular?"

This makes the older student grin. "Well, you get quite the spread of festively shaped pancakes and other tooth-ache inducing treats and they'll have the Christmas trees dressed up..." He fades off for a moment, building tension as he announces quite excitedly. "They're also be these wicked crackers with the best presents you'll ever get."

Severus sits up, "Okay," he agrees, "I should probably go down for the owl delivery anyway." He mutters, downplaying his curiosity. The sixth year only smiles knowingly and leaves Severus to get ready. Stifling a yawn in his sleeve, Severus puts his feet on the cold stone floor and with the prompt, doesn't linger in getting dressed.

* * *

Coming to the Great Hall, Severus stutters in his step; staring at the nearly garish room.

"Woah!" Someone behind him awes, glancing back, he sees it's Marlene.

"Pretty _elaborate_, isn't it?" Severus remarks to her.

The girl giggles. "Oh yeah! I don't even my granny even goes this far and she _lives _for Christmas!" She tells him quiet happily.

Severus offers a smile. "Want to see what we get to eat for breakfast? Five gaellons it's all sugar cookies."

An impish smirk coming to her lips, the blond nods. "You're on!" Together, the pair hurry into the dining hall; tripping each other and snickering.

Upon reaching the table still spurting with errant giggles, the older years look at them with a mixture of fondness and exasperation; "C'mon you two!" Dorcas Meadow waves, "The crackers won't appear 'til we're all here!"

"Sorry!" The two chime in unison, settling into they're seats Severus spies all the cookies around. Jutting his hand jokingly at the girl, he prompts. "Pay up!"

Marlene pouts and scans the table over with a careful eye. "Nope!" She disagrees, shaking her head; pointing to a single platter she proclaims, "Those are waffles!"

Narrowing his eyes, Severus studies the food. They _are _waffles, but they've been colored blue and made in the shape of snowmen. "Oh wow," he mutters.

Several of the older years chuckle and the blond beside him crows with victory. Severus, though, doesn't mind, because for the first time in years, he doesn't feel persecuted by the laughter. So with a pleasant smile blooming on his face, he joins in the laughter. The students begin to heap the confections on their plates and Severus takes the cue and picks a few of the waffles and what appears to be a jam-filled bun. He's not much for sweet things, but it's an okay treat once in a while. Half-way through breakfast, the crackers pop into existence around the students and looking to Marlene, she eagerly takes up one end and allows him the opposite end.

"This one's mine!" She cries and pulling hard, the two gaze on as it pops open with a shriek and several sparks; the prize revealed. "Oh! Wicked!" She coos, "An Ever-Bashing Boomerang," Fingering the item she comments. "A cousin of mine has one of these-he gave himself a bloody nose with it."

Severus frowns. "Sounds dangerous."

The girl shrugs. "I suppose," snatching up another she offers one end to Severus. "C'mon let's do yours!"

Hesitantly, Severus takes up the end. "Sure," he concurs tugging at it. Soon, the cracker bursts the same as the first and leaves for Severus a gift far more exciting than any silly old boomerang. "Neat, I haven't read this book!" Severus sighs happily, flipping through the pages, he thinks, _Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed, _will be rather interesting.

"Hexes?" Marlene whispers a bit uncomfortably. "Those aren't nice."

Severus shrugs and distractedly gulps down a bit of Eggnog. "No, but you never know when you might need to know one or two." He explains.

The blond doesn't say anything for a minute (not that Severus takes much notice) and finally she sighs. "You're likely right." Humming, Severus loses himself in the book and in his the food.

* * *

Twenty minutes of distracted reading later, Severus startles when a brightly wrapped box drops right in his food. "Uch!" He cries scrubbing away the splatter of food from his face with his napkin and glancing forlornly at both his meal and present.

Laughing, Dorcas Meadow says, "That's why you shouldn't read at breakfast!"

Severus scowls and picks up his sticky package. Rolling it over in his hands, he sees a little note attached. Unfolding it, he reads the quick message inscribed;

_Hey Sev! _

_Merry Christmas! I hope you like my gift, mum and daddy gave you one too, (I think it's a tin of brownies) write me soon and thanks for the nail polish! Even 'Tuney admits it's pretty cool!_

_Love,_

_Lily_

Severus smiles slightly at the letter and with a bit of reluctance ruins the rest of the paper by tearing into it. He finds a pair of blue knit gloves and a festively candy cane striped tin; breaking into the box, he finds not only at least a dozen of brownies but a letter tucked in between them. Curiously pulling it out, Severus opens it with a great deal of trepidation.

_Dear Severus,_

_We've been in contact a great deal with Lily over the semester, she's talked a quite a bit about you and from what we understand, you've yet to find a place to stay with your mother passed on and your father gone. Now, we know your a tough and resourceful boy; but, even you can't live without help. We'd like you to think about it, but we'd be willing to offer our home to you for the summer-longer even-and our hearts to you._

_Love,_

_The Evans Family_

Folding the letter back up, he tucks it into his pocket and sits silently.

Nudging him, Marlene implores, "So, who's it from?"

"Huh?" Severus mumbles, "Oh, it's from Lily." He answers.

The freckled nose wrankles, "What about your mum and dad? Didn't they send anything?" She inquires.

Severus pales. "Oh no," he whispers, "We don't have money for that." Getting up from his seat, Severus stammers, "I-I" catching a breath he whispers, "I need to go." And with little thought on his mind, he runs from the Great Hall; racing down twisted corridors and tripping over uneven stones, Severus eventually falls to the ground in an empty hall and crumpling that little bit of hope in his pocket Severus begins to sob.

Because, what else can he do? He's been offered a new hope, but for it he'll lose another. He can never go home again, but maybe, if he doesn't screw up; he can find a new one.

* * *

**Hey so, I just kind of whipped this up in the last couple days 'cause I realized I totally haven't updated in a while; so there's likely to be some mistakes and stuff, I'll edit it and stuff tomorrow or this weekend. To the reviewers of last chapter, Saint Snape, New moongirl, Eclaire Stone, BlackRoseGirl666, KodeV, Konoha's Hanyou Kunoichi, Kittyhawk09, Madlenita, Biancaruth, Stonegenome1, and KraZiiePyrozsHavemoreFun; thank you guys! I hope to hear from everyone again this chapter and as always, thanks for reading! :)**


	10. As Long as You'll be my Friend in the

_**As Long as You'll be my Friend in the End**_

* * *

Scrunched up in his armchair, Sirius scribbles furiously on his parchment trying to finish his paper in time for when term begins in a couple days. Hopelessly stuck on trying to explain the properties of knotgrass, Sirius looks up and to the floor where Severus lays sprawled out a pile of crumpled paper beside him. Cranning his neck to get a better look at the other's face, he see's the smaller boy's face is furrowed. Weighing the pros (and not the cons) he demands, "What are the properties of knotgrass?"

Severus's quill runs lop-sided on his paper and with an aggrieved sigh balls it up and tosses it into his pile. Rolling up from the floor, Severus comes over and snatches the paper from his hand. Reading it over, he answers in clipped tones, "It's in Polyjuice. Knotgrass helps you to keep your chosen shape after taking Polyjuice."

Sirius jots it down and then tilts his head to look at Severus. The slighter boy's face is pale with dark rings below his eyes and the way he carries himself speaks of aches gained from little rest. "What's with you?" He asks.

Severus looks up from where he's settled back on the floor. "What do you mean?" He counters suspiciously.

Sirius waves a hand at him. "You look...I don't know-troubled." He explains (maybe this will be his big break, maybe he's finally earned enough of Snape's trust to get something good to share with James).

Bleakness comes to the boy's eyes. "I've told you before you're not the only one with family troubles." The black-haired boy murmurs.

Sirius frowns in confusion. "What do you mean? Are your parents mad you didn't come home for holidays?" He inquires (his sure are).

Severus laughs (not a good laugh, no far from it), "Mother's dead and father's who knows where these days, why would any one be mad at _me_?" He hisses, something powerful and angry shadows those already too dark eyes and lips snarling, he growls. "If _anyone _should be mad, it should be _me_!"

Uncomfortable, but too far invested and curious, the Gryffindor boy wrinkles his nose. "Then," he starts, "You don't got a family?" He whispers.

Severus shoulders slump. "No," he answers, but then his eyes stray to the parchment in front of him. "Maybe," he purses his lips, "I don't know."

Sirius stretches back in his chair and scowls. "How don't you know? Does your mother or father have family you can go to?" Sirius questions.

The line of inquiry only brings back more fury to those fathomless eyes. "None that I'd claim as mine." He sneers.

Sirius quiets for a moment. "Okay, then, who's the 'maybe' you were talking about?" He inquires.

His fingers wander to the pair of clothes only a few centimeters away; he's not strayed without them since he got them. "Lily's family," he replies.

"Oh," Sirius blinks, it turns in his mind in a pleasing way. To make your friends family...you get to choose who your family is then, don't you? It sounds quite splendid. "That's nice of 'em." Sirius remarks.

"I don't want to be a charity case." Severus scowls.

Kicking off his shoes, Sirius leans closer to the warm embers of their secret room's fire and answers, "Don't be." Severus looks at him then, eyes wary and interested. Smothering a grin at the fact that boy genius is looking to _him _for knowledge instead of the other way around; Sirius goes on and says, "Pay them back ten-fold when the chance comes around, then it's not charity.:" He stops, glancing to the waiting Ravenclaw, "Right?" He implores.

Severus seems to roll this over in his mind. Slowly, his hand scritches out a small note and he folds it away into his robe pocket. "That's actually very insightful Sirius." He comments.

Grinning proudly, Sirius gloats in the praise. "What can I say? I'm a genius."

Severus snickers. "More like a savant." He teases.

"Hey!" Sirius whines, "I'm way better then any saavent." Though, he doesn't actually know what one is.

The black-haired boy raises an eyebrow at him. "We need to get you a pocket dictionary, I think." He tells him.

"A what?" The bigger boy asks.

"There smaller versions of the standard dictionary, easier for travel." Severus elaborates.

Sirius hums. "Can I ask you something?" He mumbles.

Severus shrugs. "If you like," he pauses, "But, that doesn't mean I'll answer." He finishes.

"How'd you're mother die?" Sirius questions, staring straight at the slighter boy as not to miss his reaction. It was probably a good idea too, if the anguish that contorts the boy's countenance is anything to go by.

"I-" Severus swallows, "She killed herself the night of the first day of school."

Sirius whistles low and sad. "Oh wow," he breathes, "Me an' James were real dicks to you the next day too..." He says this, nearly sounding badly for it.

Severus chuckles weakly. "I don't blame you," lips wobbling, he attempts to smile. "It's not like I've let anyone but you and Lily know she's dead."

"Why not?" Sirius demands.

"What?" Severus mutters.

"Why not let anyone know?" The Gryffindor pushes.

The Ravenclaw shakes his head. "My mum...her family wasn't the good kind and I don't want to go to them," his eyes flicker with that dark-hell fire and he says something under his breath that sounds like "Not after da," or "Net fer da," Sirius thinks it's the first ( it makes sense anyway). His stomach does a funny thing and Sirius wonders if his parents aren't nearly as bad he's always thought them to be. Looking hard at Severus, he wonders if he should actually tell James any of this; it's not his place and it feels too..._breakable_. If he tells someone, he might just shatter this poor boy's world apart and any new one he might be trying to create.

Severus suddenly looks to him with frightened eyes, as if he understands exactly what Sirius's silence means. "You won't _tell _anyone about this? Will you?" He asks(begs) the bigger boy.

The Gryffindor slowly shakes his head. "I-I" he stammers, "I couldn't," he sighs, "I'll keep it secret just us like this room, yeah?" He suggests, looking hopefully to Severus.

The boy grins at him with real relief and gratitude. "Thanks Sirius."

Reaching over to clap his friend's shoulder, Sirius smiles. "It's not a problem Sev," he says to him. But, somehow, Sirius just _knows _he's going to mess this up; he's going to tell someone by accident or when he's angry and-and-

Severus looks him in the eye-hesitant-yet happy. "No really, I appreciate it, it means a lot." He insists.

"Yeah," Sirius agrees in little more than a breath and miserably, he wonders why he ever asked about Snape's mother.

* * *

**Do you guys see anything big on the horizon? I do :) To reviewers of last chapter, Saint Snape, Eclaire Stones, KodeV, Biancaruth, Stonegenomre1, Madlenita, Kittyhawk09, KraZiiPyrozHavemoreFun and Marietta thanks guys for you support! Tell me what you think, please review and as always, thank you for reading.**

**P.S. I'd be super happy if I could have one hundred review by the end of this chapter.**


	11. But all That's Dead and Gone and Passed

_**But all That's Dead and Gone and Passed Tongight**_

* * *

It's the scream that alerts him, "Sev!" Barely turning in time to catch her, Severus stumbles back a few steps.

"Oomph!" He murmurs.

Pulling away, Lily blushes and gives him a bashful smile.

"Sorry," she apologizes, "I just think this is the longest I've ever been away from you." The redhead explains.

Fingers tight around her waist, Severus cocks his head. "You were gone almost a week when you got your tonsils out."

Stepping away, Lily's hands slip down to hold on to his blue-clad ones. "That's right," she nods, "But, still," she goes on, "I think you should come home with me next break."

Severus hesitates. "I don't know..." he frowns.

Glancing down to their hands, Lily's face lights up in a grin. "You're wearing the gloves I made you!" She cries.

Face dusting pink, Severus shuffles his feet. "The castle's cold." He remarks.

Giggling, Lily leans her head forward so their foreheads touch. "You like them." She mumbles triumphant.

A bit overwhelmed by all the touching, Severus looks to Lily's fingers. "Well, you're wearing the polish I made you; it seemed fair I wear my gloves." He tells her almost convincingly.

Lily Leans away to bring her hand up for admiration. "I am," she agrees, "I love it." A sly smile on her face, she thanks Severus. "It was nice of you to send a bottle for 'tuney," she says, "After she saw it on me she looked awful jealous, so I gave her the second one."

Severus looks down at his feet. "I know your sister doesn't like magic...but, before we left she was getting into make up; I just thought.." the dark-haired boy shrugs, embarrassed.

Lily leans forward, pecking his cheek. "It was very thoughtful." The girl compliments.

Shyly, Severus looks up into those verdant green eyes and smiles.

"Oh wow Evans is snogging Snivellus!" James Potter crows.

The pair whip their heads around to see James, Sirius, Remus and Peter walking around the gaggles of children and straight towards them. Hands clenching into fists, Lily glares her fellow Gryffindor down. "I was thanking him James," she grits, "_He's _worthy of it, unlike you!" She spits.

James sneers, "I'm plenty worthy! Ten times as worthy than any slimy git!" He shouts, turning to looks to his friends for back-up he sees Remus has buried himself away in a book and Sirius is staring at his feet and Peter, he'd wandered off a moment ago. Frowning, James crosses his arms. "You really shouldn't look at him like that, people are going to get the wrong idea."

Stubbornly, Lily says, "He's my best friend."

"Yeah right," James rolls his eyes, "No one's ever going to believe you, boys and girls _can't _ever just be friends." The bespectacled boy then walks away, his friends on his heels.

Turning to Severus, Lily looks at him with worried eyes. "They're wrong, right?"

Squeezing her hand, Severus nods. "Of course." It's not like James Potter can be anything else, right?

* * *

Long after dinner and long past lights out, James slips out bed to go shake Sirius; however, before his hand even touches Sirius's shoulder, the other boy sits up. "I'm up," he whispers.

Scrambling up on to the other's bed, James grins in the dark. "So what'd you find out about Sinvellus?" He demands.

His fellow Gryffindor doesn't say anything at first. "Nothing, really," he answers.

James frowns. "You must of learned _something_!" He hisses.

Sirius sighs, "Lily's muggleborn." He offers.

James hums, "How's Snape know her then?"

"He's half-blood? Has muggle-obsessed parents?" The dark-haired boy suggests.

James grunts, "Anything else?"

"For Christmas he gave Lily and her sister mood-polish." He tells the other boy.

"None of that's _interesting_!" The messy-haired boy whines.

Sirius crosses his arms and scowls, even thought James can't see him all that well in the dark. "So? You _knew _he wasn't goin' to trust me, how much did you expect me to get out of him?" He grumbles.

The Gryffindor pauses. "Okay," he sighs, "Did he at least help you with your homework?"

Turning back, Sirius pulls a small pile of parchment out from beneath his pillow. "Practically did it for me," he answers triumphant.

James makes a grabbing motion. "Let me see!"

Handing it over, James holds it in one hand and cast a _luminous_ with his wand in his other hand. "Oh wow, these are pretty good answers." He mumbles.

"Well he _is _a Ravenclaw after all," Sirius smirks, leaning tiredly on his fist.

"That's true." The messy-haired boy laughs. He slaps a hand to his mouth suddenly and looks around for any stirring first years; he notices an empty bed. "Where's Remus?"

Sirius shrugs. "I think he went to the infirmary after dinner," he mutters, "Had a headache, he said."

James lips curve down. "Poor bloke, always seems to be visiting Pomfrey," the boy comments.

Sirius nods his head in agreement. "Yeah, he does." And somewhere not far from the castle, a howl rips through the night air.

* * *

Severus wakes up, he's not sure if it's the howling coming from outside (funny how it coincides with the full-moon, you'd think there was a werewolf) or the crying a few beds down. Sitting up, he wipes the sleep from his eyes. Getting out of bed, he goes against better judgment to just let the crying fellow keep his privacy and looks to see who it is. Walking down the line of beds, he more hears than sees Joshua Hilliard crying.

"Hey," he calls, "What's wrong?"

Joshua flips over and looks at Severus with glassy eyes. "My dad's dead." He whispers.

Severus staggers. "What?" He gapes, "When?"

The brunette dries his tears with his sleeve. "He was comin' to get me and my brother and sister from the train," he whispers, "When he and some others were ambushed by these guys in black robes and white masks." Lip wobbling dangerously, the boy whispers, "Headmaster Dumbledore said he'd mention the incident at breakfast tomorrow, 'cause people need to know to be careful."

Severus frowns, "Why didn't he say it tonight?" He asks.

Joshua shrugs. "I think it's because a lot of kids skipped dinner to finish homework and see friends." He mutters.

"I'm sorry, that he's dead." Severus says.

The boy smiles ruefully. "Everyone's always sorry." He says.

Severus bristles. "I know what it's like not to have a da, though, so I _mean _it." He counters.

The other Ravenclaw looks up at him, mouth parted. "Yours is dead too?" He whispers.

Severus stops. "N-No," he stutters, "He left."

"Left?" Joshua parrots.

Severus exhales and looks away. "He didn't like my mum's and my magic; when I got my letter-he's gone." Severus stumbles, realizing he's giving too much away.

"You're a half-blood then?" The other boy implores.

Severus shrinks in on himself. "Yeah," he replies, lifting his head to stare into the other's eyes, he demands, "Do you mind?"

The other boy shakes his head quickly, "No!" He exclaims. He claps a hand over his mouth and glances about the dorm once; seeing no one has awaken, he gives Severus a smile. "I'm half too, my mum's muggle." He imparts to Severus.

Severus manages to grin back; maybe he's not such an oddity after all.

* * *

**What do you guys think? Do you like that Severus the possible friendship forming between Joshua and Severus? I'll be going to Spain this Wednesday so nothing unfortunately will be updated in the coming two weeks (I'm trying to finish up and update as many things as possible these next couple days). Thank you for the reviews, Saint Snape, Madlenita, Marry Potter, Professor Radar, Biancaruth, KodeV, Stonegenome1, Eclaire Stone, Cricket the Clarinetist, and KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun.**

**Thank you all for reading and please review, I'm hoping to hit 115 reviews by chapter 12.**


	12. No where to Run, when you're Hiding from

_**No where to Run, when you're Hiding from the Truth**_

* * *

Severus knows he shouldn't ruin a good thing, especially since he hasn't been heckled in nearly a _weak_; but, they never discussed what they were going to do about the secret room after break. Eyes scanning the Great Hall's entry, Severus waits patiently for the Gryffindor's coming. Taking another spoonful of porridge, Severus sighs and settles himself to wait; after all Sirius is one of those stragglers. By the time he's finished with his porridge, (and his deviation notes, for that matter) Severus glances up one final time to the door; figuring he can always find the other boy later. To his relief and delight, he _does _see Sirius and for once, he's not with that prat James, but with Peter. Getting up and slinging on his bag, Severus waves. "Sirius!" He calls.

The larger boy looks his way with bleary eyes and with a quick word to Peter, approaches him. Coming over to him, the Gryffindor runs a hand through his hair. "What's up Sev?" He asks.

The black-eyed boy scowls briefly. "Don't call me that," he grumbles, "Anyway, I was curious to know if you've told your friends about the secret room."

Sirius considers him. "I haven't," he answers.

Severus hums on this. "I haven't told Lily or any Ravenclaws, if you're wondering." The Ravenclaw replies.

Sirius crosses his arms and stares the skinny boy down. "What's up? Why does it matter if I've told anyone?" He demands.

The other boy shrugs. "It doesn't really," he says, "I just want to know if you want to keep it between us or not, really."

Sirius pauses and shifts his gaze to stare at a fixed spot on the far wall. Severus grows impatient at a point and wants to remark on Sirius's slow processes, but holds his tongue and another moment later, the larger boy answers. "How about a secret between us for now?" He suggests.

"Oh?" The black-eyed boy murmurs, "What made you decide that? I was sure you would want to show your friends." He comments a bit surprised.

Sheepish, the Gryffindor looks to his feet. "I don't know where else we could meet without getting choice words from James." He explains, glancing briefly for Severus's reaction.

The long-neglected and abused boy feels oddly touched by the sentiment. "I didn't think you'd want to keep talking to me once holiday finished," Severus tells him with a bit of a smirk.

Sirius barks a laugh. "You grew on me, what else can I say?" He replies.

Severus's smile grows a bit and he looks to the Great Hall's entrance to see Lily shuffling in. Perking up, he decides to give Sirius a quick warning. "I'd not stuff yourself at dinner tonight."

The other frowns. "Why?" He demands.

Gesturing for Lily to come his way, Severus distracted explains, "It seems on the day holidays began some wizards and witches were attacked on their way to the train station."

Paling dramatically, Sirius murmurs, "What?"

"Joshua Hilliard's father was one of the unlucky few who did not make it out alive," Severus goes on, "I think he also said another student's boyfriend was killed too."

"Who attacked them?" The Gryffindor begs.

"Some wizards in dark cloaks and white masks," Severus answers as Lily comes to his side. "Headmaster Dumbledore is going to tell everyone about it at dinner tonight, because it has been so tightly under wraps the past two weeks."

"What's been under wraps?" Lily inquires, coming to her friend's side.

"An attack on some witches and wizards-a few died." Severus tells her.

A hand comes to Lily's mouth. "Oh how awful!" She gasps.

"Yes, Joshua's father was one of the few killed." The boy tells Lily.

"That's so sad!" She exclaims.

Sirius strangely quiet, chokes "I-I have to get breakfast."

Severus nods. "Alright," he consents, "If you ever want to meet up, just tell me."

"Right." Sirius whispers wandering off to the Gryffindor table.

Looking at Severus with very large green eyes, Lily mutters, "What's wrong with Sirius?"

The dark-haired boy thins his lips and pauses. "He was fine until I mentioned the attack." He explains to his friend.

The girl puts a hand to her chin. "How odd," she mumbles, "It's not like Sirius to turn quiet."

"Think he knows something?" The Ravenclaw inquires.

Lilly puckers her lips. "From what I understand, the Black family is rather involved in dark magic."

Bumping Lily's shoulder to direct her out of the Great Hall, Severus thinks on this. "Maybe, if the chance comes up I'll ask him." He suggests.

"With some tact, I hope," Lily teases.

Grinning at her, Severus jokes back. "Of course! Have you ever known me to be without?"

A playful quirk to her lips and a bounce to her step, Lily giggles, "Oh I don't know Sev...I think I can recall a rather tactless moment or two."

"You're mistaken!" Severus scoffs and both of them laugh as they meander down the halls to their first classes.

* * *

"Are you alright Sirius?" Peter questions, looking at his oddly silent friend.

A weak smile rises on his pale skin, Sirius nods. "Yeah," looking down to his breakfast, he then say, "Well, I have a bit of a headache; maybe I'll go see Pomfrey."

Peter bobs his head empathetically. "If you aren't feeling well, you should," He agrees, "Maybe you'll see Remus? I heard he's there."

Decimating his toast with his fingers, Sirius grunts. "Maybe," he concurs. "You'll let James know, won't you?"

"Of course!" The round-face boy cries.

"Thanks Peter," Sirius smiles getting up from the table. Dragging his bag along, Sirius ponders Severus's words with a queasy sickness to his stomach; dark robes...white masks...Sirius hates to entertain the idea, yet...

It had been the summer past, his family visiting his uncle for the weekend; he'd just gotten in a fight with Regulus and stormed off...

_Sirius takes a sharp turn, paying little attention to the direction he's taken or the fact that it's the wing he was specifically directed to stay away from for the duration of the evening. Kicking at an errant chair leg, the boy grumbles, "That little prick..." Huffing angrily, he stops after a few steps down the hall because of a low hum of voices. Curious, Sirius stills to listen for the source; once found, he then follows the noise to a door just a few more steps away. Dropping to his knees, Sirius listens intently through the thick wood to here a man talking and then a woman (his cousin Bellatrix, he believes). _

_Even more fascinated then moments before, Sirius decides to be stupidly brave and try to open the door a crack. To his great surprise, it does open and not for the first time the boy wonders why adults never seem to worry about locking doors and keeping quiet when they don't want others to know what they're doing. Peering in, he sees a group of darkly clad wizards as well as a few witches; upon each face is a bone-white mask carved with the most frightening faces. Eyes eventually finding the middle, Sirius is forced to hold back a breath at what he sees; it's Bellatrix, tall and proud wand pointing at a sniveling girl not much older than him._

_"Prove you're loyalty to the cause," a most ornate man hisses from behind his cousin. "Show me you are not faint of heart!" He demands._

_Eyes cold and lips curled cruelly, Bellatrix dips her head. "Of course my lord," rotating her wrist, she parts her lips and whispers the most frightening thing Sirius has ever heard; "Crucio!"_

_The girl screams, screams, and screams; Sirius watches her body contort into inhuman shapes-sees blood dribble from her nose and mouth...just as Sirius manages to finally tear his gaze away, the girl's shrieks come to an end._

_"Excellent," the man his cousin called lord whispers, "Now kill the filthy muggle."_

_"Yes my lord," Bellatrix agrees and with a flash of green light, she does._

Shivering from the memories, Sirius sinks against one of the castle's cool stone walls and tries to bury the images so deep, he shan't have to see ever again for as long as he lives.

* * *

**Hola amigos! I'm back from Spain (which I loved) and I'm very happy to see we reached my goal of one hundred and fifteen reviews! :) Thanks, Eclaire Stone, KodeV, Biancaruth, Madlenita, Saint Snape, Stonegenome1, Mel72000, Black Lotus13, JaneDoh0, Kittyhawk09 and KraziiePyrozHavemorefun for helping me reach that goal! I appreciate it guys. To the story, what do you guys think of this chapter? Of Sirius? Of Lily and Severus? Was Severus a bit too casual about the whole attack? Did Peter seems in-character (no matter that his appearance this chapter was brief)?**

**As for reviews, is one hundred and twenty-five an okay goal? I'd really like to have that many reviews by chapter thirteen. Thank you for reading everyone and I hope to get reviews from you all! :)**


	13. We're Falling and we're Losing Control

_**We're Falling and we're Losing Control**_

* * *

James wakes up in an ambivalent mood and when he sees neither Sirius or Peter thought to wake him or wait for him, he feels agitation towards his friends winning out over his happiness to see them once again after two long weeks. Grumbling nonessential things beneath his breath, James forgoes showering upon seeing the time and changes into his school clothes; he even tries to run a brush through his unmanageable hair-which only causes it have an even messier appearance. Yanking his satchel on to his shoulder, he more or less storms out of his dorm and to breakfast. Coming to the Great Hall, he sees only Peter at the Gryffindor table. Lip puckering into a pout, he goes to his friend taking one of the empty spaces on either side. "Where's Sirius? Or Remus, for that matter?" He demands of Peter.

The mousy boy shrinks at his tone. "Sirius went to the infirmary-I think Remus is still there too," Peter answers.

Slapping a few slices of toast down on his plate, James reaches for the marmalade. "Why'd Sirius go there?"

"He said he had a headache, after he-" The shorter boy cuts himself off suddenly; staring very hard at the yolks of his eggs.

"After he what, Pete?" James inquires with increasing interest.

"After he talked to that Ravenclaw-you know, Snape." He replies.

Puzzled, the bespectacled boy shifts back. "Why was he talkin' to him?" He murmurs.

Jabbing his egg, the round of face boy causes the yolk to ooze out life a ruptured boil. "I don't know, he didn't say; but, Snivellus called for him and what does Sirius do? Goes right to 'im, and then they're talking and even _smiling _at each other 'til Evans comes and then Snape and her left." Peter tells James, doing his absolute best to make it sound like their friend's done something wrong.

Staring at his toast in a despondent sort of way, James begins to peal away at the crust. "And then he had a headache after?" He asks, making sure he has it right.

Peter blinks, not quite certain why this information is nearly as important. "Yes," he concurs.

A slow scowl working it's way on to his face, the dark-haired boy questions, "And you said Snap and Evans had left just before?"

"They did, but why's-" Eyes growing twice their size, the other boy whispers, "Oh."

Angrily, James savagely bites into his toast. "He'd rather hang out with a poofter Ravenclaw and a _girl, _than his _friends_!" He growls to Peter.

Looking at his breakfast in a decidedly pleased manner, his fellow Gryffindor nods his head. "You're right," he agrees.

"I want to know _why _though," James remarks with less anger and some misery.

Peter glances sideways. "Well, you'll just have to confront him, won't you?" He suggests.

The dark-haired boy nods his head. "Yeah, after our first class, I think."

"Okay," the other mumbles, consenting to the plan. Picking his fork back up, Peter begins to eat with a relish.

* * *

Of course, when Sirius didn't show up for potions; James plan went to hell. Glaring at no one in particular as Slughorn begins to explain what they'll be doing today (some fungus killing potion), James catches sight of Lily Evans scribbling what the Professor says down on some parchment. Peter's words coming back to him, James scribbles a quick note on a scrap of parchment; folds it up and hands it to Peter, who hands it to Mary MacDonald who gives it to Lily.

Lily's face twist in confusion at the words written on the sheet;

_Where's Sirius_?

_-J.P._

Glancing in the direction of the bespectacled boy, the girls sees him staring at her; waiting for her to reply. Rolling her eyes, she jots down;

_I don't know, why would I?_

_-Lily_

Folding it again, she passes it back down the line; gaining a raised eyebrow from her partner. She sneaks a glance in Jame's direction and sees that he's frowning at what she wrote. His quill touches the paper again and Lily bites back a sigh of exasperation, not a moment later, the parchment is on her desk again. Unfurling it once again, she reads what's within;

_Because you're boyfriend's his new best friend, duh!_

_-J.P._

Lily feels her face grow hot; with embarrassment or fury, she isn't quite sure. Sending a harsh stare in the waiting boy's direction, she writes with several sharp taps to the paper;

_One, you toe-rag, Severus's **isn't **my boyfriend; he's my best friend and two, neither of us have seen Sirius since breakfast. If you don't believe me, I **saw **Severus go to his charms class and sit beside one of the other Ravenclaw boys; nor did I see Sirius in or around the room-or on my way here for that matter._

_-Lily_

Handing it off to Mary, she whispers her friend "I won't be taking any more messages from him, alright?" The girl nods and relays the message to Peter as she presses the sheet into his chubby fingers.

When James gets her message and reads it, his brow furrows with annoyance and tries to send back the sheet once more, but Mary refuses to take it and Lily ignores it all and loses herself in Slughorn's speech.

* * *

Struggling not to put his head down on his desk as Professor Flitwick once again explains the wand motions of the softening spell, Severus idly flips through his potion's book scribbling notes in it as he goes. Glancing up occasionally at the professor-if only for him to think he's paying any attention, Severus mutters something about Honeywater*; drawing an amused look from Mark Bletchley.

Suddenly, the professor's voice rings out, "Alright everyone! I want you to try the softening spell again today! I was sorely disappointed in our results from last class!"

A low murmur of voices begin around them and Mark leans in. "What are you doing Severus?"

A bit uncertain, Severus decides he can at least try and explain. "It's not that our books are wrong," he starts, "But, some things aren't quite clear and they don't list alternatives or more streamline ways of making potions..."

Eyes twinkling, the boy smirks. "So you're correcting our potions book?"

Relaxing a bit back in his chair, he nods. "Basically."

Charity Burbage from his other side, leans in on her fists to catch a glimpse of his book. "That's quite clever, Severus."

Mark quickly agrees, "It is!" A smile not so kind on his lips, he then tosses in a cutting remark, "Much more clever than making friends with even more Gryffindors."

"Oh yes!" Marlene Mckinnon exclaims, trying to see around Charity. "I've been wondering why you became best mates with Sirius Black over holidays, didn't he bully you?" She implores.

Feeling less proud and more uncomfortable with all of the eyes on him, Severus hunches in on himself. "He was," he agrees, "But, he didn't have anyone over holidays so..." he waves a hand, "Besides, he said he'd try to get James and the others to lay off a bit."

Mark hums. "How do you know he'll keep his promise?"

Severus shrugs helpless. "I don't," he mutters, "But, no harm in trying right?"

Brown eyes gooey with overly sweet emotions, Charity leans in. "Oh I do hope you haven't gotten too friendly with him, I'd hate for him to do something that hurts you."

Joshua Hilliard walks around from his spot to be in their huddled group. "I think so too, Severus," he concurs, "You're a good mate, I'd hate to see you get hurt in all of this."

Severus overwhelmed by his fellow Ravenclaws sincere feelings does his best to deflect it all. "Thanks," he says, "But, I think it'll be alright, okay?"

"If you're sure," Mark mutters.

Readily, Severus agrees. "I am," he sighs, "Sirius might be an arse, but he's loyal too-had to be for Gryffindor, I don't think he'll do anything too malicious." Of course, Severus doesn't know this for sure; however, all of the attention's starting to worry him and if it will settle everyone, he'll say it as many times as he needs too.

* * *

**We're coming to the climax of year one in another chapter or so! I'm excited, how about you guys? Also, I'm happy to see my goal of one hundred and twenty five reviews has been reached! :) Thanks, Kittyhawk09, Saint Snape, Eclaire Stones, Kiefercarlos, Mel72000, KodeV, Madlenita, Raven Lockwood, Biancaruth and KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, for helping me reach that goal. So a couple questions, does Peter seem in-character? What of the Ravenclaws? Are they being too close-knit? Should they seem more aloof in worries about Severus? Or is their honesty alright?**

***On another note, for those of you not that familiar with potion ingredients, Honeywater is used in healing potions; ones to cure common poisons and to wake people from magically induced sleep.**

**Now, since we've been able to meet my goals so far, I'd really appreciate being at 135 to 140 reviews next chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you'll choose to review.**

**P.S. Would it be helpful if I posted a full list of all mentioned characters now and again? Just so everyone can know what year, house and their full name is?**

**P.S.S. Quick thanks to Biancaruth for correction my error, about when students start divination class!**


	14. We were Young and Learning

_**We were Young and Learning (That's Where we Went Wrong)**_

* * *

It's not until lunch that Sirius makes a reappearance, slipping into his seat beside James he grins, "Hey." The boy beside him scowls and refuses to acknowledge him anymore. Slowly, panic consumes him and he asks, "What?" Glancing around the silent trio he repeats, "What's wrong?"

He sees Remus's dark-smudged eyes lift briefly and jumping on it, Sirius begs, "Remus? What's up?"

The tawny-haired eleven year old lets his eyes wander to James. "Why don't you just tell him James?" He demands.

Eyes going which way, the bespectacled Gryffindor shakes his head. "No," he refuses, "not here."

Rocketing up from the table, Sirius frowns angrily and snags the other's arm. "C'mon then," he orders.

James yanks his arm away and glares up at the dark-haired boy. "I can get up myself!" He snaps. Deliberately stepping up from the bench and gathering his things, James shoots a look to Remus and Peter, "Let's go guys," he tells them. Peter stares longingly at his lunch and Remus sighs, stuffing a roll of bread into his robe pocket. Following the duo out, they feel the eyes following them from their table.

Once a safe distance from the Great Hall and down a hall far enough someone passing through the main thorough way won't here, Sirius turns on James. "Why are you so mad?"

His fellow Gryffindor crosses his arms. "Why do you think?" He hisses, eyes narrowing in his rage, "You're best friends with _Snivellus _now and are even lying about going places so you can hang out with him!" He accuses.

Shocked, Sirius shakes his head. "No-I-" he stops, "You're talking about this morning, right? I went to see Madam Pomfrey! I told Peter that!" He counters.

Remus, clears his throat. "I was there until our class just before lunch, Sirius, I never saw you," he whispers.

Breathing quick, fear settles in on the eleven year old. "I-I didn't go see _Snape, _alright?" He argues, "Look, I was feeling sick-_really, _it's just it wasn't the sort of sick you go to the infirmary for, okay? I just needed some time to be alone and sort things out..."

Studying his quite possibly ex-best friend, James cocks his head. "What sorts of things?" He inquires.

Sirius's shoulders slump. "I-nothing really important, family things..." he admits, "You know mine isn't so great..."

The bespectacled boy hums, "Why are you being so friendly with that Ravenclaw, though? I mean, you don't actually _like _him do you?" He questions, disgust in the idea evident.

Seeing that there isn't much way of getting out of this, Sirius is forced to decide. Is he going to defend Severus and lose his first friends and make enemies within his own house, or is he going to give away Severus's secret as barter and as an excuse? Looking to the boys accompanying James, it reminds Sirius of how this will ruin their little group and friendship; hell, it might just divide the Gryffindor house. Sirius knows he has enough charisma to make friends with the few other boys in their year and quite possibly win Remus to his side, but James is personable enough to get others to believe him and think Sirius is in the wrong...no better than any other Black. He can't have that, no, he wants-_needs _for people to think and see him as different from his family or he may as well have never been sorted into Gryffindor.

Sighing, Sirius looks to the floor in defeat. "No..." he whispers, looking back to James, "I don't like him, It's just-I feel bad for him;" this brings an interested gleam to James eye and with a smile light and mischievous urges the Black boy on. "His mum's dead and his dad's gone...he's an orphan."

"No way," James murmurs, "How does no one _know _about this?" he awes.

Shuffling, Sirius's stare bores into the wall behind James and the others, "I guess, he was told about it through a letter from Evans's parents and the two of them kept it between them the two of them-until he told me, that is." He explains.

Eyes twinkling, a wicked smirk comes to the Gryffindor's face. "When do we have class with him? Transfiguration right?" He inquires.

"James..." Remus starts.

Looking to the other boy, James grins, "What Remus?"

The boy frowns. "You aren't just going to expose him, are you?" He questions, disapproval clear in his voice.

James huffs and crosses his arms. "Well, the teachers have to know, don't they?" He demands, "What better way than to bring it up in class?"

"I don't like this," Sirius says, "The guy's probably going to stay with Evans and her family over the summer anyway."

James glowers, "We're helping! It doesn't matter if Evans family wants him, what if his mum or dad's family wants him? They need to be notified too." He argues.

Sirius looks vacantly down the hall. "Okay James," he whispers, "I don't like it, but I won't stop you."

Reaching up and thumping his friends back, James laughs, "That's the spirit mate!" Sirius cracks a little smile and wonders if he's made the wrong choice; maybe house strife would have been preferable to what's to come.

* * *

Coming into transfiguration, Severus takes his regular seat next to Lily; thinking nothing of James and his goons as he smiles at the girl.

"How was herbology?" The redhead asks, pulling out her transfiguration text book.

Severus rolls his eyes, "We spent another day learning how to use incendio, I don't know how long it'll take the professor to actually give us Devil's snare to use it on..."

Lily twirls her quill between her fingers. "That's too bad; though, admittedly, we already know so much about the plants they've been teaching us. Your mother's old school books were very useful."

Severus is quite for a minute. "They were, weren't they?" He mumbles, "It was so kind of her to let us borrow them."

Lily, realizing that this is the first time they've spoken of the black-haired boy's mother since her death, nods. "It was," she concurs.

"Oi _orphan_!" A voice shouts over the murmur of students. Severus freezes; slowly turning his head, he sees James smirking in his direction. Gaze darting to Sirius, he sees the Gryffindor is staring down hard at his desk. Smirk morphing into a cruel grin, James says, "Here, _orphan, _you dropped this." A quill that is clearly not Severus's in his hand.

"Did he say _orphan_?" Someone behind the Ravenclaw whispers, and Severus feels his mouth go dry and all sense of speech leave him.

"Sev?" Lily implores, a hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

The class quiets to a hush at the sound of McGonagall's boots. "What's going on in here?" She demands suspiciously, eyes roving her silent and wide eyed class room.

Pouting, James looks to the transfiguration professor. "The _orphan _won't take his pen back," he says.

The woman's eyes grow and Lily leaps from her seat. "He's making stuff up professor!" She shouts, trying to save her friend's secret.

Lips thinning into a line, McGonagall shakes her head. "No, I don't think Mr. Potter is; while revealing this to a class full of students was cruel, I do think he's being truthful." Beckoning to Severus, she commands, "Come here Mr. Snape, I think we need to pay the Headmaster a visit."

Getting up on shaky legs, Severus goes to her. "Yes, Professor McGonagall," he utters.

Putting a gentle hand on the Ravenclaw's shoulder, she turns one last time to James. "I'm ashamed of you, Mr. Potter; fifty points from Gryffindor." This causes the bespectacled boy's jaw to drop and cries of outrage and groans to erupt from the Gryffindor side of the room while the Ravenclaws watched with silent satisfaction. Being lead from the classroom, Severus prays he can convince Headmaster Dumbledore not to contact his mother's family-nor find his father for that matter.

* * *

**Here we are guys! The climax of Hogwarts year one! What does everyone think so far? Is it realistic? Does it all make sense? Do you all hate Sirius now? Or are you just disappointed? Thank you for the reviews, Eclaire Stone, BlackRoseGirl666, Biancaruth, Mel7000, Kittyhawk09, and KraZiiePyrozHavemorefun. We didn't quite meet my goal of one hundred and thirty five reviews, but I'd still like to be at one hundred and forty by next chapter if that's alright with everyone. Now, I'm looking for interesting story ideas (any fandom), but preferably ideas that would work for One-Shots, if you have suggestions I'll gladly hear and consider them. Thank you all so much for reading this far and I hope you'll all choose to review! :)**


	15. This Garden Once was Perfect

_**This Garden Once was Perfect**_

* * *

The entire walk to the Headmaster's office, the transfiguration professor keeps her hand on his shoulder. He doesn't know if it's to comfort, guide or keep him from running; but, Severus hopes she'll release him soon. It only serves to put him on edge, it feels the same as when father used to walk him out to the shed to punish him for doing magic. It feels heavy, oppressive and controlling, he's sure she doesn't mean to; however, Severus can't help himself when his anxiety rockets at the sight of the gargoyle that leads to the office and he quickly turns to wretch.

He loses his breakfast and then some, once he's heaving only reflexively Severus gains control again and straightens out wiping his mouth with his robe. "'m sorry Professor McGonagall."

Her stern face is more open than he's ever seen it and she reaches out to touch him, yet Severus flinches violently; causing the woman to retract her touch. "It's fine child," she tells him and with a wave of her wand banishes the vomit. Shifting to face the gargoyle, she whispers, "Lemon poppies." Looking to Severus once more, she offers, "The headmaster is a decent man, he'll listen to what you have to say." Severus nods and follows after her up the winding staircase.

* * *

"You are _scum_ Potter!" Lily screams at her fellow Gryffindor.

The bespectacled boy sneers. "That greasy git was the one hiding stuff from the professors and headmaster!" Her eyes blazing, Lily doesn't give a single indication of what she's to do; not until she's on top of James her fist snapping his glasses in half and causing blood to spurt from his nose. "AH!" The boy howls, "Get her off! She's nuts!"

"Lily!" Sirius hisses, grabbing one of her arms as Remus takes the other. "What are you thinking?" He demands, yanking her off with considerable trouble.

Tears streaking her anger flushed cheeks; Lily tears away from the other two Gryffindors. "What am _I _thinking?" She cries, "What were _you _thinking!" Furious, Lily's hand ball into fists once more and gaze accusing, she bares her teeth at Sirius. "I thought you were Sev's _friend _now! But, you gave away a secret that wasn't yours to that-that _asshole _bleeding on the floor there!" She declares; lips wobbling with suppressed sobs, Lily runs from the room.

Sirius feels every eye in the room find him and he wishes in that moment he'd never come to Hogwarts.

* * *

Eyes not twinkling any more, Severus feels himself shaking in his armchair as Headmaster Dumbledore's stare bores down solely on him. "Now," he starts, "Why don't you explain to me why you've kept you're guardian-less status from me and your professors?"

Severus drops his eyes to his lap and fidgets with his too short sleeves. "I-I," he stumbles, "I just didn't want you to go looking for my father..."he whispers, glancing up, Severus sees the man's waiting for him to elaborate more. Sighing, Severus utters, "He _hates _magic." And me. But, Severus left that for Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall to figure out themselves.

The great wizard rubbed at the spot between his eyes. "Do you have any other family...?"

Heart beating wild and far too rapidly for it to be healthy, Severus desperately shakes his head. "I-no," he murmurs.

"Exactly what did you plan to do about this summer, Mr. Snape?" Professor McGonagall cuts in.

Severus briefly looks her way. "Lily's-Lily Evans parents were going to let me stay with them for the summer...I think even longer if I want," he whispers.

The Headmaster strokes his beard, "Hm..." he murmurs. "This is a rather unconventional choice of guardianship...we usually look for family, but if your sure there's no one who can or will take you..." the old man trails off.

Severus nods his head. "I am," he agrees with great seriousness.

Sighing, the great wizard reaches for a sheet of parchment. "I shall write the Evans," he tells the boy, "And see what I can do about making this an official _and _permanent arrangement for you."

Severus release a breath. "Thank you sir," he says, "I-thank you." He finishes incapable of finding any better words for the sense of appreciation he feels.

The man's blue eyes twinkle. "It's no trouble Mr. Snape," he chuckles, "But, I do wish you wouldn't have kept this to yourself so long."

Severus scuffs his foot. "I was just-afraid, I guess..." he mutters in embarrassment.

Professor McGonagall lightly touches his back. "I'm happy to see everything is working out for you Mr. Snape."

The boy briefly smiles; it does seem so, maybe he didn't have to worry about them sending him to his mother's family or his father after all.

* * *

Lily doesn't know what to do. How could _anyone _do something like that to someone else? How could they say they're friends and then turn around and reveal their most important secret. How _could _Sirius do that to Sev? To their house? It seems the sorting hat was wrong; Sirius is not brave, his not loyal he is a rat and scum and so is James Potter and the rest of them for not doing anything too! Staggering through the halls, Lily eventually reaches her dorm; finding her way to her bed she falls into it and cries for the boy who won't cry for himself.

Some time later, she hears feet come in behind her; yet, she doesn't look up. "Lily?" A voice asks hesitantly. Sniffling, Lily shifts her head just enough to look up at Mary MacDonald and Sabrina Lewis from the corner of her eye. Sabrina bites her lip and Mary sighs. "C'mon Lily," Mary says, "James didn't even do anything to you."

The redhead's up in an instant. "He betrayed my _best _friend!" She spits at her roommate.

Sabrina and Mary share a look. Sitting down next to her, Sabrina takes her hand and her almond eyes widen with sympathy. "Look Lily..." she starts, "we get he's your friend-"

"My _best _friend," she grits, putting emphasis on best.

Plopping down on the other side of the redhead, Mary agrees for Sabrina sounding slightly dubious, "Right." Searching Lily's face she says, "He's a Ravenclaw," seeing the mulish glint come to her friend's emerald eyes; the girl quickly follows, "Everyone knows they're private people-that boy could have easily been a Slytherin the way he looks at people sometimes..." Sighing, Mary clasps her hand in Lily's and tells her with great earnestness. "It's only first year, soon you'll feel like Gryffindor's your family-like we do, and Snape...well, he won't seem so important."

Tugging her hand back, Lily stands up. "What are you trying to get at here?" She demands.

Sabrina picks up where Mary left off. "Look Lily, house solidarity is really important; that's all." She explains.

Eyes wide, Lily finally realizes what her friends are telling her. "You-" taking a step back, she readies to run. "You think I was _wrong _to punch Potter for Severus." Disgusted as they gaze down at their laps, Lily shouts, "What's _wrong _with this place!? Houses before people? I can't believe it!" In a whirlwind of red hair, the girl is gone.

* * *

Meandering the halls, Severus gazes at it all as if he's never seen it before. That's it then, Dumbledore will send a letter to the Evans and he'll officially stay with them for (at least) the summer. A tiny smile pulling at his lips, Severus feels a mix of euphoria and slowly dawning anger. He's relieved that he won't be going to father or any of his mother's relatives; but...how could Sirius do this? Didn't they just agree that they'd stay friends? Keep their truce? Petering in his walk Severus drops his stare to the stone ground and scowls. His yearmates were right, he shouldn't have trusted Sirius; he wouldn't again.

"Sev!" Turning, the dark haired boy looks to see his friend.

"Lily," he grins, but it quickly turns to a frown when he realizes her face is tear streaked and red. "Are you okay?" He asks fretfully.

The girl smiles and nods. "It's-I punched Potter and-"

"You _punched _him!" Severus exclaims eyes going unusually wide.

Her brows furrowing at the interruption, Lily bobs her head. "Yeah-in the nose and then Sabrina and Mary told me I shouldn't have 'cause he's in the same house, but-"

"Wait!" Severus snaps, "Why'd you punch Potter anyway?"

Lily makes an anguished noise and clutches Severus's face. "For you, you idiot!" She yells.

Staring into furious green eyes, Severus can only whisper. "Oh, I-thanks Lils," after an awkward second of silence, he adds uncertainly, "I think?"

Some of the madness drains from Lily's posture and features. "Your welcome," she replies.

The two smile at one another, they'll have forever to talk; but, for now it's enough just to know they're with one person who will do anything for them.

* * *

**I tried something a little different with the format for this chapter, what do you think? So we're at chapter fifteen here guys, it'd be super if we could be at one hundred and fifty-five reviews by next chapter; and truthfully, I'd like to have two hundred by chapter twenty (if that's not too much to ask). Thank you to BlackRoseGirl666, Alethea27, Kitthawk09, KodeV, Biancaruth, Stonegenome1, Eclaire Stone, Mel72000, Saint Snape, Madlenita, and KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun for all of your reviews!**

**If any of you are wondering about Dumbledore and how he's not pressing for family and such, at this point he hasn't had the chance to get to know or learn about Severus just yet for one and since his last name is _Snape _why should he even consider that he's the Prince heir (especially since his friend is a muggleborn). But, we'll see if that changes with time...**

**Please review and thanks for hanging in there and reading this fic! :)**


	16. You can do Better

**You can do Better**

* * *

When Severus eventually finds himself back at his dorm; he stops. Everything that has happened today feels surreal, maybe even _not _real at all. Struggling to pick out details of the day, Severus recalls Potter's disgusting sneer, the unusually grave eyes of the headmaster and finally, finally he recalls the warmth of Lily's not quite gentle hold of his face. Fingers tracing the side of his face, he smiles just barely; he's always enjoyed the little touches from Lily-the hand holding, shoulder bumping and occasional kiss to the cheek, this, though, feels more serious than all of those. She had touched him not to show affection, but to _prove _her affection for him; to prove he meant something to her.

Shaking his head at his ridiculous behavior, he murmurs to the waiting knocker, "Go on,"

The metal eagles blinks at him before inquiring "_If I drink, I die. If I eat, I live. What am I?_"

Severus's lips ghost in a smile, he knows the answer. "A fire," he answers confidently. The knocker swings the door open and winks at him. Slightly perturbed at the action, it barely registers to Severus that his yearmates are calling for him from across the room.

Hurrying to him, Charity shouts, "Severus!" for a second time; actually drawing the skinny boy's attention to her for once.

"Oh, Hello Charity," he greets; moving away from the door so it can close.

The girl of ringlet blond hair frowns at him. "That's all you have to say?" She demands.

Staring at her obviously upset face, Severus slowly meanders his gaze through his roommates and the girls in his year; they all wear similar expressions-but, something of Mark's unhappy appearance seems...off (smug? But why?). Taking a step towards the small group, Severus pays careful mind to the older students watching from around their books, up from their homework and peaking at him while they speak to their mates. "What else would you have me say?" He inquires.

This brings a grumbling from Marlene who gets a swift elbow from Greta as Charity speaks. "Where were you? We haven't seen you since Transfiguration when-you know," she says, making a funny little face as she twists her hands in a way that probably means something; if he cared to decipher, that is.

"I went to the headmaster," he starts and this brings an eager nod not only from the blond girl, but from Robert and Joshua. "Then, I ran into Lily." This deepens Mark's frown and makes his yearmates glance between one another. Crossing his arms, Severus scowls back at them. "What?" He demands, "D'you think just because Potter was an arse and told the whole world something that was _my _business, I wouldn't want to be friends with Lily any longer?"

The girl hesitates and Joshua clears his throat to speak for Charity. "It's not that Sev,"

"Severus!" He snaps, no one but Lily will ever get to call him that (not again).

Joshua's eyes flash; yet he nods and pushes forth. "She-she _punched _Potter," which brings a number of titters from the older years around the commons, "and that wasn't good." He finishes lamely.

Severus rolls his eyes. "Please," he grumbles, "Potter's thrown his fair of punches at _me, _he deserved to get what was coming to him."

"I-" Joshua begins, but then he quickly thins his lips and shakes his head; obviously unable of to find a way to get what he wants across.

"What did the headmaster say?" Mark asks.

Severus glares at him, the blond has no right to know. "He already knew of my status," Severus lies, "I asked him to keep it between us and that was why McGonagall did not know."

"If your an-an-" Marlene stammers.

Cutting in, Severus says quite forcefully; ignoring the way he chokes on the word, "Orphan. I am one," he admits, "But, I have arrangements made for the summer and hopefully-the rest of my schooling."

"That's good Severus," Joshua grins.

"It is indeed," Severus agrees. "Now, I'm rather tired; are we done with this interrogation?" He inquires.

Robert laughs, always quick to find humor, "I wouldn't call it an interrogation, mate-more like a-a concerned inquiry." He smiles.

Quirking his own lips in a smirk, Severus brushes past them all and goes quickly up the stairs to his dorm. Falling into his bed, he waves his wand; enclosing the curtains around him and casts a silencing charm. Burying his face into his pillow, Severus begins to sob over wounds opened anew.

* * *

Quietly closed off behind his curtains, Sirius glares down at his red and gold bedsheets under his toes. He doesn't deserve to be here, no, he's not brave or loyal or good or-he tosses his head roughly side to side. No, he _is _better; maybe not by much, but he is. He_ has_ to be. Yet, the incident in the hall after dinner comes to mind...

He'd accidentally run into Narcissa (or maybe she'd been waiting for him). But, she'd lunged at him as soon as she saw him and hugged him with great show and praised him loud enough for all within ear-shot to hear.

"Even with your deplorable sorting, you just might make a respectable Black yet!" She had crooned.

Sirius had stared at her in dumb silence. What did he say to that? What _could _he say? Obviously, someone had figured out where the source of Jame's insult had come from and it had quickly spread through school until it reached his cousin. In the end, Sirius did the smart thing (maybe the first smart thing he's ever done) and he walked away from his cousin; not daring to look back even as she and her friends heckled him.

"Sirius?" Remus calls from behind his curtains.

Bringing his knees to his chest, Sirius mumbles, "What do you want Remy?"

There's a beat of silence. "Can we talk?" He asks.

"Sure, it's not like anyone else is jumping to," he grumbles.

Remus pokes his head in, then after a quick look about; crawls in fully. Settling with his toes just shy of touching the dark-haired boy's, he says, "You should apologize to Severus."

"Why?" He questions glumly, "It's not like he'll even listen to it."

Remus nods. "No," he agrees, "But, you keep at it; be the stubborn Gryffindor you are and don't give up."

"James will _hate _me," he reminds the tawny-haired youth.

A dark shadow passes over the werewolf's eyes. "I don't know if we want to be spending time with James right now," he sniffs.

Curiously, Sirius cocks his head. "Why not? He's our friend isn't he?"

The other Gryffindor shrugs. "I don't know if I want him for a friend-" looking almost sadly to the red curtains hiding them from the world, he whispers, "How can I when he does something so-so _vile _just because he doesn't like a person?"

Tucking his chin behind his knobby knees, Sirius muffled voice rings out, "The rest of the house-and half the school hates me; I don't think I could deal with my _friend _and _roommate _hating me on top of everything else."

Remus seems to consider this, tapping a steady tempo on the bed, he suggests to Sirius, "We don't have to _not_ be friends with James...we could distance ourselves enough that people don't group us all together any longer."

The youth gazes at his friend. "Why do you want to help me so much? Why do you even want to be friends with me still? I'm no better than James." He tells him quite viciously.

"You aren't!" The werewolf argues, "No, you feel _sorry _about what you did; James...he feels justified, you know? He thinks he's doing a service to the world by exposing Snape to everyone's scrutiny." He elaborates, looking expectantly to Sirius.

Exhaling, he ruffles his hair with a hand. "I'll follow your lead in this," he decides, "You get people better than I do."

"It's not that I get people better, Sirius, it's that I know how to put myself in their places-something you just haven't learned yet." He remarks, smiling.

Grinning back nervously, Sirius lifts his head; staring his friend straight in the eye he whispers, "You'll show me? I-I don't want something like this to happen again."

Putting a hand on his friend's shoulder, Remus nods with a serious expression. "I will," he agrees.

Sirius feels marginally better about himself and Remus finds relief that he won't be alone in this unfamiliar new world.

* * *

**I feel like Sirius needs some redemption after what he's done and Remus can totally be the one to guide him to it. What do you guys think? Am I right? Or am I wrong? What about Severus? Do you like the strong-front he puts up around his fellow Ravenclaws? Or should that be something I slowly work on breaking? And what about Severus's obvious crushing on Lily? Is it cute? Or do you think he should have a crush on a Ravenclaw?**

**I just threw a lot of questions your way, didn't I? Sorry about that. Now, Thanks Flame55, KodeV, Kittyhawk09, Saint Snape, Biancaruth, Stonegenome1, Mel72000, Madlenita, Raven Lockwood, Eclaire Stones, BlackRoseGirl666, Susan M. M and KraziiePyrozHavemoreFun for your reviews last chapter I appreciate it a billion times over. I'm also pleased to see I just might make my goal of two hundred reviews my chapter twenty! You don't know how excited that makes me :D **

**Finally, thanks everyone for reading and please review pretty please!**

***A special thank you to Professor Radar for correcting my mistake with how the Ravenclaws get into their dorm.***


	17. Let's see how far the Bullet lies

_**Let's see how far the Bullet lies**_

* * *

After the-the "incident", his fellow Ravenclaws are much more careful with him; keep asking him if he's "okay" and "wants to talk". He knows they only have the best of intentions (and an insatiable curiosity), but there's only so much he can take before his ability to roll with it becomes non-existent.

"You're awfully quiet Severus," Josh remarks, turning away from the chatter he and the rest of his roommates have engaged in about Ravenclaw's last quidditch game.

"Hm? Severus murmurs, looking away from the loose string on his quilt. "Oh yes-" he says,"-I prefer football to quidditch, so, you know," he says waving a hand at the silent group. "Don't mind me," he tells them.

"Are you sure?" Mark asks, "Is anything wrong?" He implores a little anxiously. Patience gone, Severus gets up from his bed fuming in silence and stomps from the room.

"Severus!" Robert yells after him, but the black-haired boy does not stop; the only indication he gives to hearing the other boy is a swift jerk of his arm signaling them not to get up (or follow). Stalking out of Ravenclaw, Severus only knows one place he can go where no one will ask him stupid questions, look at him strangely or analyze everything he does. Taking a sharp turn into a corridor, he makes one wide sweep to ensure no one has followed him; he nods in satisfaction when he sees no one. Soon, he finds a familiar door and opens it without hesitation. What he sees inside nearly makes him run away. It's Black. But, before he can leave, the larger boy's staring at him.

"Oh," he whispers, "I-" he gets up and awkwardly offers, "I can leave."

"Sit down, Black." Severus orders, "_You _were here first," he remind the other student, "Besides, this room's big enough for two." The Gryffindor shuffles his feet for a moment, gazing at him warily before doing so. He settles with his knees pulled close to his chest, so he can rest a book-a book on the Holocaust (he feels marginally proud at this) on the top of his knees and read easily with his head tilted backwards.

Going up to the bookcase, he takes one at random and settles down on the blue carpet so he can read on his stomach, while still comfortable warm due to the orange flames from the little fireplace. Kicking his legs idly from time to time, Severus and Sirius read in tense silence; only daring to peek at one another when they think the other boy won't notice. Eventually, once he's re-read the same sentence for the seventh time, does Sirius dare to speak. "So," he begins; earning himself a raised eyebrow from the Ravenclaw. "Um, I know I shoulda said this weeks ago; but, since I couldn't around James and you wouldn't look at me..." he fades off and shakes his shaggy head of hair. "I'm sorry," he apologizes.

Propping the side of his face on his fist so he may meet the larger boy's gaze more easily, Severus considers what he's said. "I told you that in confidence," he reminds Sirius.

Expectedly, the bigger boy flushes an embarrassed red and returns to the pages of his book for a moment. "I know," he whispers, "I don't expect you to forgive me-don't really _want _you to," he finishes in a murmur.

The last part draws Severus's attention. "You _don't _want me to forgive you, Sirius?" He remarks idly, biting his tongue when realizes he's used the Gryffindor's first name.

The other boy perks at the use of his name, though. "I deserve for you to hate me," he declares, "I wasn't a good friend _at all_."

Toying with a strand of his locks, Severus briefly looks the dark-haired boy's way before gazing into the hearth's weak flames. "It wasn't very loyal of you, I'll admit." he agrees, "In fact, you might be more of a Slytherin than I first thought."

The Gryffindor bristles. "Don't _say _that," he growls, "I'm _not _Slytherin, I'm _not._"

Seeing he's touched something he shouldn't have, Severus backs off. "Okay," he relents, "You aren't."

Sirius relaxes marginally and inquires, "So what brought you here?"

Smirking, Severus takes a chance and says, "The same reason you came, for a little peace."

The larger boy smiles back. "Your house lookin' at you funny too, huh?" He sighs, looking a little despondent and maybe just as crazed as a moment before.

Turning a page in his book idly, the black-haired boy comments, "Though, I suspect they are looking at us oddly for different reasons."

"It's no less irritating," the Gryffindor quips, "Besides, James just as bullheaded as ever, thinks he can win everyone over to _his _view on you any day now."

The Ravenclaw snorts, "How's that going for him?" He sneers.

"So-so," Sirius shrugs. "Lily's a staunch supporter for you," he imparts to the other.

A wistful look comes to the black-haired youth, "That she is," he concurs. "But...you aren't helping Potter?"

Stretching out his toes, Sirius smirks. "I'm here, aren't I?"

Severus gives a bark of laughter and with one last quick grin, the two boy falls into semi-comfortable silence and read for a time. Once his stomach begins to grumble, Sirius knows it's time for dinner. Getting up, he slips his shoes back on and flattens out the wrinkles in his robe. When he notices Severus has no intention of leaving anytime soon, he tells the other boy, "I _am _sorry, I just-"

"Save it Black," the Ravenclaw cuts in coldly, "I don't want to hear any excuse you've convinced yourself to believe as to-you _told _him and that's all that matters."

Helpless, Sirius frowns. "I screwed up," he whispers, "But, I want to fix it."

Black glimpses in the corner of Severus's eye for all of a second. "Prove it then," he demands, "Show me you aren't going to be swayed by Potter any longer and that you shan't go out of your way to taunt or fight me."

Gleeful at the chance to prove himself, Sirius nods. "I'll do it," he agrees, "Just watch."

Hiding a smirk with the heel of his hand, Severus's muffled voice carries. "I will," he mumbles.

Leaving, Sirius feels lighter in body and mood than he has in days; grinning, he can hardly give Remus or James a sufficient answer for his happiness when he sits down for dinner.

* * *

Staring down blankly at the pages of his book, Severus wonders what he's doing. Black betrayed him once, why would he give him a second chance that would allow him to do it again? Is he going to turn out like mother? Allowing father's apologies to wash over him as truth when he promises to stop drinking, gambling, and hitting them? He can't. He'll break just like mother.

Flexing his fingers, the Ravenclaw feels his gut twist and roll. He won't be mother. He won't be father. He will be _Severus._ Severus will watch Black, watch for the slightest indication that he shan't follow through on his promise and he will then forget him. Forget that he ever befriended the Gryffindor, forget that he ever gave him that second chance. Flipping back to the first page of his book, Severus begins to read in earnest. He wants to pretend the last hour hadn't just happened and what better way to do that than lose himself in book?

Sighing, he turns a page. He needs to talk to Lily later.

* * *

**So, what do you think of this chapter? Rest assured that next chapter will delve into Severus's reasons and thoughts on giving Sirius a second chance, so, just hang on, okay? To reviewers, Mel72000, Zyzzyva, Biancaruth, Madlenita, Emily Sharpe, Flame55, Ffbeginner22, BlackRoseGirl666 Alethea27, Neverlookingback, KodeV, Vahn, and KraziiePyrozHavemoreFun; thank you guys so much for your reviews! I'm pleased to say we are making excellent headway on my goal of two hundred reviews by chapter twenty, it so exciting! :D**

**Thanks for reading everybody and please review! :)**


	18. I'd Like to Believe in all the

_**I'd Like to Believe in all the Possibilities**_

* * *

They sit nearly shoulder to shoulder, occasionally skipping an appropriate stone across the waters of the lake. They're silent for a longtime. Rubbing her hands up and down her goose-pimpled arms, Lily finally turns to see the pensive profile of her best friend. "What's wrong Sev?" She asks.

The boy shrugs, but with a sharp dig in the ribs; he turns to scowl. "Nothing," he grumbles.

Smiling just slightly, the redhead leans in on her hand and whispers, "I know you better than that Sev."

He averts his galaxy worthy gaze then, eyes focused solely on some spot in the dark waters of the school's lake, he tells her, "I ran into Black."

Perking up, Lily is tense and wary. "Oh?" she prompts her friend.

"He said he was sorry," the boy mumbles.

Searching Severus for any indication for what happened, she asks almost fearful, "What did _you _say, Sev?"

He returns her gaze to her, but his eyes are more distant than they've ever been before. Fingers letting go of the stone they gripped, Severus utters, "I forgave him."

* * *

Squished together in a cushioned window seat, their heads bowed close; Remus waits in impatient silence for Sirius to say something. When the other boy continues to fiddle with a loose button on his shirt, the werewolf prods the other boy's arm. "So?" He demands, "What did you want to talk about?"

Sirius looks up at him then, all at once searching and knowing as he gazes into his eyes. "I saw Severus," he murmurs.

"What?!" Remus yelps, here they were almost three weeks later and the two hadn't looked at each other once; but, now they'd actually come together? Madam Pince glares at them, and the other Gryffindor smiles sheepishly as he curls a bit more comfortably in the alcove. "So you saw him," the tawny-haired boy begins, "What happened?"

The other boy shifts his gaze to the world outside the castle's window. "Not much," he admits.

"Oh," Remus replies doing his best not to sound too glum.

"But..." the shaggy haired boy shakes his head. "But, I told him I'm sorry."

"That's good Sirius!" The werewolf declares, doing his best to lift his friend's spirits.

Countenance crumpling, the dark-haired boy breathes, "And he forgave me."

Studying his roommate's obviously distraught features, the best the other Gryffindor can do is frown. "I don't understand," he sighs.

* * *

"Why?" Lily demands furious on her friend's behalf, "Why did you forgive him?"

Severus stills in a way that frightens her. He begins to breath quick and faint, pulling his legs to his chest; he rests his chin in the groove between his knees. "Lily," he whispers, "You're my best friend, But I-" he swallows and studiously stares at his feet. "But, I need more friends."

Confounded and unsettled by her childhood friend's round about ways, the redhead can only shake her head. "Okay," she relents, "Wanting more friends is a good thing, but what about your roommates? Or the Ravenclaw girls?" She implores hesitantly.

The black-haired boy scoffs. "A bunch of nosey prats the lot of them!" He shouts, effortlessly snagging a stone from the shore beneath them and tossing it in the water where it lands with nary a sound.

Sighing, Lily rests back on her arms and asks again, "Why did you forgive Sirius?" Hoping the directness would bring her a usable answer.

The boy hunches more in himself. "I-" licking his lips he whispers, "I know _I'd _want to be forgiven."

This alerts the girl, there's something bigger going on behind those fathomless eyes than what's at hand. "What's going on in that big head of yours Sev?" She murmurs. Shadow-black eyes find hers, but she cannot read them; so must wait.

* * *

"He-he just forgave me!" Sirius roars, "He didn't want anything or-or-"

Slapping a hand over the much too loud Gryffindor, Remus sends another apologetic look the way of Pince an glares at Sirius. "Quiet down, Sirius," he orders. Behind his hand, the other boy nods. After another look, the werewolf takes his hand back. "So," he says, "He forgave you, isn't that what you wanted?"

The other Gryffindor scowls. "I-yes," he agrees, "But not like that!" He exclaims, "It was-was too _easy_!"

The smaller boy shakes his head. "What did you want from his Siri?" He questions, "Did you want him to make you suffer through some humiliation?"

The shaggy haired youth looks at him with eyes not unlike those of a kicked puppy. "I don't know," he admits, "But, at least if he had I'd feel like it was all fair..."

Remus hums. "I think," he mumbles, "You shouldn't dwell on it. He probably wanted to be friends again just as much as you did," he comments.

Sirius, though, isn't listening. "What if he's going to get me back _this _way? Have me thinking were friends again just so he can humiliate me in front of _everybody_!" He imagines, eyes large and frightened.

The werewolf rolls his eyes. "Stop it Sirius," he hushes, "You'll drive yourself up a wall and then what? Your paranoia will make you do something stupid and Severus will be gone forever-for _good._"

Miserable, the Gryffindor student plaintively mumbles, "So, you think he means it?" At Remus's almost hesitant glance, Sirius needles, "That he really, truly, totally, forgives me?"

Remus fights the urge to growl.

* * *

Severus shies away at answering, it's just a _feeling _after all-and if there's anything the Ravenclaw knows to be truth is that feelings are lies and irrelevant. But, at this moment, he knows no other way to describe what seems important. Looking into Lily's impossibly green eyes, he imparts to his very best friend. "Did you ever just get a feeling about something?"

Slowly, Lily does nod. "I have," she agrees.

Sighing in something akin to relief, Severus gazes far, far away insides himself as he explains. "Somehow," pausing, he begins, "I _know _everything could have been different and I...and I can _feel _that were was more than one way everything could have gone and I-" gulping, he desperately searches the girl's befuddle face for any sign of understanding. "And I _see _myself doing something just as-_worse, _than what Sirius has done and you won't-" he fights back the urge to sob and Lily can _tell _and she's hugging him so close now that Severus does cry out. "_You won't forgive me_!"

The boy and girl cling to each other with a fear for something that could have been (could still be). Tear tracks on both their faces, Lily slowly pulls away only to fall into the galaxy of Severus's eyes. "I see," she warbles, "I can see what you mean." Fingers tight and unyielding in their grip on Severus's she utters, "_No one _should ever think they aren't worth forgiveness, that nobody wants to save them."

Severus exhales. "I was afraid you wouldn't get it," he tells her, face tinges the slightest of pinks.

Lily laughs. "So did I there for a minute."

They stare at each other, Severus's face twist and he looks away. "Do you truly think he meant it?" Lily meanders her gaze to the waters and ponders the options.

* * *

"He _does _forgive you Sirius!" Remus snaps, being the one that finally gets them kicked out of the library.

Once out in the halls, Sirius glowers at him. "Good going, Remy," he grumbles.

Exasperated, the werewolf stands there for all of a minute as the larger boy walks off. "_What do you mean_?!" He demands, hurrying to catch up after his fellow Gryffindor. "_You _were loud _first_!"

* * *

She could tell him no. She could crush what little trust he still holds in humanity and ruin him forever. That, is something Lily won't do. Can't do. So, turning her face fully to Severus's anxious one; she grins radiantly. "Of course he means it, Sev!" She proclaims.

His face is washed of all doubt and replaces with jubilance. "I'm relieved you think so, too." He says.

Squeezing her friend's hand, the girl leans in and with earnestness only found in youth, she mumbles, "Of course, Sev, I'll always trust your judgment on things."

They smile.

* * *

**Usually I don't do this, but this chapter and the last were basically written together; so, I thought I'd put this one out a right after the last due to the fact of that. Tell me what you think, do both Severus and Sirius have founded fears and worries? Thank you to KodeV, Alethea27, Elsie, Paladium, Biancaruth, Mel72000, Madlenita, Rebecca Roy and KraziiePyrozHavemoreFun for all of your awesome reviews! We are slowly but surely meeting my goal of two hundred reviews by chapter twenty and I'm so happy to see that! Thanks for reading everybody and please review! :)**


	19. Don't Carry the World upon your

_**Don't Carry the World upon your Shoulders**_

**Minor editing done 8/31/13**

* * *

"Severus!" is the first thing he hears when he returns to his dorm room, after having gone out to see Lily early that morning (skipping breakfast in the process). Blinking as the boys all look his way, the dark-haired youth scowls and ignores them to pack his satchel for class that day. "Severus? Are you okay?" Joshua inquires, coming to set a hand on the other student's shoulder. Severus shrugs it off and stuffs his potions book into his bag, paying no mind to what he's jamming it into. Frowning, Joshua puts his rat Jugg down on the bed and repeats a bit irritated, "Severus!"

Black eyes ablaze, Severus swerves around and shoves the other boy to the ground. "What the bloody hell do none of you get!? I don't _want _your coddling!" He shouts at them. He takes a step to move past the stunned Ravenclaw when one of the other boys jumps him.

"You utter prat!" Robert howls, knocking Severus down on his side; locked against the stone floor underneath him. Punching Severus in the nose; Robert causes it to spray blood all over his robes as he hits the writhing boy again. "All we've done is try to be you're friend! And here you go hurting Josh! He's been making excuses for you long enough, I think you're just a goddamn arse who doesn't care about anyone!"

Weakly trying to get up his arms up over his face mid-panic attack, Severus faintly hears Mark whisper to Otto, "Go get the prefect." Followed by the sound of leather soles slapping stone floor. The black-haired youth feels Robert rip away at his arms and try to land another fist; but, Severus is well versed in protecting himself and simply seizes up more.

"Merlin!" Someone screams from across the room, "You get off him this instant Robert!" Kingsley yells, Severus feels the weight being lifted off him and peeks an eye open to see the struggling brunette being pulled off.

"He deserves it! He's an arsehole! He hit Josh!" Robert hollers in justification as the teenager narrows his eyes.

"I don't care, if you have a problem; get _me _or one of the professors," The sixth year snaps, shoving Robert towards a bed to cool down. Kingsley then comes over and helps Joshua up from where he sits shocked on the floor. "You okay there kid?"

Eyes wide, the dark-haired boy nods; face flickering with something like disappointment. "I-yeah, I'm good." Bobbing his head in acceptance, the teenager comes and stands just above Severus; staring down at him with indecision.

"You know, Snape, I've been hearing some pretty nasty rumors from the Gryffindors for the last couple weeks-I'm beginning to wonder if they have a point." He makes this comment with a breezy tone, but a barb is hidden within it.

Wiping away the sticky blood from beneath his nose, Severus stays where he is and chuckles a bit. "Thank Potter for those rumors-he _hates _me," the younger Ravenclaw explains.

The Prefect taps his chin. "You know, I wonder why." Severus averts his eyes an refuses to speak. Kingsley sighs. "You look like a right mess, need a hand?" He inquires, offering one.

Ignoring it, Severus gets up on shaky feet and smirks. "I've been worse," he proclaims; finding amusement in his private joke-one he's only ever found funny, it seems to hold true if the way the older boy's hand drops and the frightened gleam in his eye is anything to go by. Wavering only in his first step, Severus says, "If you'll excuse me, I need to get cleaned up before I'm late for class."

"Wait, you should go to the infirmary-make sure you're nose isn't broken," Joshua tells him sounding slightly anxious from where he sits petting Jugg.

Touching the pained appendage, Severus crinkles it. Nope. Not broken. "I'm fine, it's not broken," he replies walking to the bathroom; never once realizing how very odd and terrifying he appears to his fellow Ravenclaws.

* * *

It's just before lunch, Severus hopes if he eats quick enough; he'll be able to stop at the library and pick up a new book before flying, however, Professor Flitwick has different plans for him. "Ah, mister Snape!" The tiny man greets, "I'd like to talk to you if you don't mind."

Severus pauses and stares down at the small man. "I don't-I'm just stopping to get a quick bite, there's a paper I haven't finished and I-"

"I'm sorry," professor Flitwick cuts in, "You've misunderstood me. You will come and talk with me _now_." He orders, an expression unusually fierce upon his face.

"Of course," The boy whispers, following after the man as he leads them down the winding halls of Hogwarts and to his office. Coming in to the office, Severus tops and awes at the back wall that is stuffed to the brim with books and then glances to the left of the door where the hearth is nicely placed with two armchairs and a small sofa in front of it.

"Over here Severus," Flitwick calls from the right of the room, where his very large desk is placed; frowning at how the stacked books nearly block his view of his head of house, Severus sits down in the regal chair in front of the desk. The man smiles at him. "I have cupcakes if you're interested," he offers.

"No thank you professor," Severus murmurs, "I don't care for sweet things;" which is a complete lie, he very much likes taffy and licorice.

The small smile wavers on the little man. "Severus," he sighs, "What am I to do with you?"

Tense and wary, Severus whispers, "What do you mean sir?"

Professor Flitwick's face contorts with a multitude of upset emotions and says with great exasperation; "What do I mean? Severus, child, almost all I've heard this year is _negative _things about you-when I hear about you at all that is, you're much too quiet."

This stuns Severus, negative? Hasn't he done _anything _right? Or is he-he's just _bad, _what else can be expected from the son of a disowned woman and a brutal man, when he grew up on the wrong side of _everything_. Shoulders hunched in on himself, Severus stares resolute at his lap expecting the very worse. "I'm sorry professor," he mumbles.

The man exhales. "I-Severus, my door's _always _open, I've done my best to make this abundantly clear to all students; yet, you still refuse to even have a civil _exchange _with me or any professor," he tells him.

Head snapping up, the boy with fathomless eyes snaps, "I have too! With the headmaster when-" his teeth close with a click and his lips lock into nothing but pencil lines.

Staring at him in a sad sort of way, Flitwick nods. "On that note, no one has figured out why you were so set on keeping your mother's death secret." The student's eyes drop back to his lap and with great intensity glares at his knees. "And today...shoving poor mister Hilliard for simply being worried about you, I can't say I know why you refuse to make friends with the other Ravenclaws; but do with Gryffindors-ones who obviously don't have your best interest at heart-"

"He said he was sorry," Severus mutters, feeling a need to defend Sirius just a little (and Lily too, because _she's _never betrayed him).

The small man stares at him for a moment. "Even so," he continues with a quiet clearing of his throat, "None of that worries me nearly as much at this instant as your remark to mister Shacklebolt; 'I've been worse'." Would you care to explain to me what you mean?" The professor inquires earnestly.

Severus crosses his arms and looks at the wall of books longingly. "I don't know what you're talking about, obviously you heard wrong," he sneers.

"I know you're a smart boy Severus-very smart in fact; this book proves it," gaze flickering to the desk at the sound of a book being pushed across it, the black-haired boy sees his potions book.

Snatching it back, he tucks it into his bag. "That's nothing," the Ravenclaw grunts.

"That's a lie and we both know it!" Professor Flitwick squeaks, "I've spoken with professor Slughorn; he says it's remarkable for a first year to know how to rework a potions recipe to make it easier or even better!" When the child refuses to look at him again, he whispers pleadingly, "Do you know the rumors I've heard about you child? They say you're aiming to become a _dark wizard, _I don't know who got this notion or how; but..."

Severus's head lifts immediately, a furious glint to his eyes. "Why can't anyone ever leave me alone?" He demands, "All I want is to get out of here alive and maybe get a job doing potions."

Flitwick puts his little hand on his student's thin one, he knows it can't be very reassuring to a lost boy such as this one; but he hopes it helps. "You _can _have those things, Severus, if you just made yourself a bit more straightforward..."

"I won't," Severus asserts with a venom. "Being who I am has kept me alive a lot longer than I could have been, I'm not changing for everyone's peace of mind-I have Lily and maybe Sirius for friends; I don't need anyone else to like me."

Retracting his touch, the Ravenclaw head of house stares at the boy for a long pause. "I think," he murmurs, "You need to apologize to your roommates and tell them nicely that you don't need them fussing over you."

Severus's unreadable eyes gaze at him for a moment. "I will," he agrees, "Now, I have flying in ten minutes; may I leave sir?"

"Of course," the diminutive professor sighs, "Just...just don't hesitate to search me out if you ever need me."

The boy's blank face doesn't change. "Yes professor," he says and leaves.

Staring at the empty doorway, Filius Flitwick wonders what Severus Snape will be someday (he pleads with every force above him that the boy disproves his doubts and accomplishes what he wants).

* * *

**So what do you think of this chapter? Is Flitwick alright? Seem in character considering the situation he's in and what about Severus's tussle with his roommates? Did you like that? Didn't like it? Also, You guys are awesome, we're not even at chapter twenty and we've surpassed my goal for reviews! Thanks, Madlenita, Biancaruth, Anotherborduser, Awesome, KodeV, KraziiePyrozHavemoreFun, Dreamzspark, Eclaire Stone, Neverlookingback, BlackRoseGirl666 and Zork the Unbearable for helping me surpass my review goal :) **

**Thank you for reading, please reviews; I'm excited to hear what you all thought of this chapter! **


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